What if we could live in a world where we actually thought everyone was beautiful?

in

Beauty. A concept I have found difficult to define to encapsulate the depth and complexity of the term. While it is true, our worth and value should consider who we are, what we stand for and how we show up for those around us, there is another side to the coin.

We live in a culture where the way you look (appearance, body type, weight, skin color, gender presentation, etc) often outweighs those things in determining someone's "beauty".

And yet we pretend this ladder of comparison and judgment doesn't exist, silently perpetuating the polarization of who is and is not beautiful based on a subjective physical experience of a person or people.

In an attempt to move away from this exclusionary system, many have swung to the other end of the spectrum. They are focused on defining beauty purely for who we are on the inside. And as I said a few sentences ago, this is important and should be a factor. But we can't pretend that we are not physical beings in a physical world where we experience people based on the way they look (sight) and the presence of their physical bodies (touch). As such, the term MUST be defined in a way that includes our physical self and our mental, emotional and spiritual self.

Let me clarify what I mean by this.

You, yes, you, are already beautiful both inside and out. What do I mean by this?

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When has "getting over it" ever actually worked? Do this instead.

in

We are constantly forcing ourselves to "get over it."

We fear conflict and challenging conversations to the point we bury our feelings inside until we either explode or become so detached and resentful we no longer engage meaningfully in our relationships.

Why do we do it? The short answer, it's easier...in the moment, anyway.

  • Why would you talk to your partner about how dismissed and hurt you feel when you can just pretend it's fine and "get over it"?

  • Why would you tell your friend they hurt your feelings the last time you were together and it is still sitting with you? It's so much better to exert the endless energy to shove it deep down below, isn't it?

  • Why would you tell your boss you're feeling unappreciated and underpaid when you can just keep making shit money doing 10X your job description? At least you have a job.

We constantly sacrifice our wants and needs to ease tension.

We equate conflict with unhealthy relationships or with being "dramatic" or selfish. We have developed a deeply entrenched system of beliefs that tell us our job is to cause as few waves as possible and to just keep "taking it" and holding a smile on our faces.

  • You don't want to be seen as dramatic, do you?

  • Wouldn't you rather have shitty relationships than none at all?

  • You should be grateful for what you do have, right?

This list of ridiculous beliefs is endless and, unfortunately, traps so many of us in a lifetime of repression and stagnancy.

Now, the trick is...

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Not seeing results? Maybe it's a motivation problem?

in

I watched a TedX Talk a year or so ago given by Mel Robbins where she reiterated multiple times that you will never feel like doing the things you want most in life. I may want to be an early riser, getting up and going to the gym by 5:00 AM, but come the following day, the idea of getting out of bed will sound way less appealing and so I turn over and pull back the covers over my head.

We tiptoe towards action and then when we feel the slightest chill of discomfort, we walk it back.

Statements like, "I'll just do it tomorrow" or "I don't really need to change my routine" fill our heads.

We resign to the idea of being "fine."

This results from being only half-motivated. We have developed the readiness to do or be something but lack the willingness to put that drive into action.

Readiness is about establishing thoughts and beliefs — the buy-in. Willingness is about putting them into action or practice.

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The reason you keep falling short on your goals.

in

Any meaningful and sustainable change is requires both insight and action.

  • Insight. I have to give myself space and time to identify my problem or pain point, its impact on my life, and where it came from. I have to define where I want to go and clarify how and what I will need to get there.

  • Action. I have to be willing to do the doing. I have to switch from thinking and feeling to doing...to living in that new reality.

Without creating space for both, you will only find yourself burning out, putting time and energy into what I call "band-aid solutions" or quick fixes that leave you in the same place as where you started with increasing hopelessness

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Stop assuming you have to have all of the answers

in

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to lose or to be wrong?

It's because most of us have been instilled with the belief that our value is driven by social capital.

Social capital is earned by being superior to or standing out amongst the rest for what we can offer or achieve.

I remember first playing the game, Euchre, and even though I was learning, I felt stupid (and frustrated) when it would take me so long to understand the game or I would make a mistake. I could hear my negative thoughts screaming - "you suck," "people are annoyed with having to play with you," and so on.

And that wasn't even about anything "important" -- it was just a card game.

But because of the ideas of social capital, compounded by our shame, we believe we must know and be good at everything to fit in and be seen as smart or intelligent.

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