100% is Contextual & Subjective

June 18, 2024 by Kyira Wackett in Values-Driven Learning

We are all guilty of over-scheduling ourselves; having ridiculous expectations and pretending we have the time, energy and capacity to do it all without ever needing a break.

The idea of always giving 100% consumes us. But the problem is not that we want to give 100%.

The problem is that we keep assuming 100% is some objective level of performance and that it does not ebb and flow.

Not getting anywhere in therapy? Have you considered this?

March 15, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Self-Love

I have felt this way as a client and a therapist. The stagnancy and annoyance where it seems like all you do is come in and give an update about your week or complain about the same things that were bothering you the last time. You talk in circles around an issue but stay tethered to the same anchor points.

You start to wonder what you are even doing in therapy — is this even helping?

You are already overwhelmed and have little time and energy left to give. You consider leaving. But is that what's best? Is the problem the therapist? Is it something else? Before making a decision on whether or not to end your work with your therapist, consider the following:

The secret diet companies don't want you to know.

February 15, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Body Love

Whenever the weather changes, we suddenly get inundated with new messages on how to "fix", "prepare" or "change" our body to fit some ideal shape or to combat some event or time.

After you have a baby, coming back to the office after working from home during the pandemic, holiday get togethers, season changes, aging...we have all been hit with it at some point in time or another.

One of the worst times is summer.

We have all felt it — the dread to put on a swimsuit.

The hope that no one asks us to go to a pool party or head to the lake because we fear having to see ourselves (let alone have others see us) in our swimsuit.

"It can't be that time of year again, is it?"

And we start feeling this pressure to do what we can to "get in shape" to wear a swimsuit. But all of that messaging is brought to you by the diet, fitness, and clothing industry. They want you to buy the newest supplement. They get rich on your negative self-talk and count on your shame taking over as soon as the sun hits your face.

Sure, their marketing plan works. Why?

What if we could live in a world where we actually thought everyone was beautiful?

January 18, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Body Love

Beauty. A concept I have found difficult to define to encapsulate the depth and complexity of the term. While it is true, our worth and value should consider who we are, what we stand for and how we show up for those around us, there is another side to the coin.

We live in a culture where the way you look (appearance, body type, weight, skin color, gender presentation, etc) often outweighs those things in determining someone's "beauty".

And yet we pretend this ladder of comparison and judgment doesn't exist, silently perpetuating the polarization of who is and is not beautiful based on a subjective physical experience of a person or people.

In an attempt to move away from this exclusionary system, many have swung to the other end of the spectrum. They are focused on defining beauty purely for who we are on the inside. And as I said a few sentences ago, this is important and should be a factor. But we can't pretend that we are not physical beings in a physical world where we experience people based on the way they look (sight) and the presence of their physical bodies (touch). As such, the term MUST be defined in a way that includes our physical self and our mental, emotional and spiritual self.

Let me clarify what I mean by this.

You, yes, you, are already beautiful both inside and out. What do I mean by this?

Altruism. What makes it so hard?

November 16, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Meaningful Relationships

I hate to admit it, but I have always struggled with the concept of altruism. Doing good for goodness sake and without the need for something in return — recognition, celebration, etc.? I mean, it sounds lovely. In the broader sense, it is about being content or confident enough in our sense of self that we no longer need or are pressured by others assessment of us — our character, our list of deeds — to feel worthy and whole. But this seemed a gift that was not to be bestowed on me. I mean, I enjoy doing nice things for others. But I always felt this desire to be celebrated for it, finding myself disappointed when things would go unnoticed.

The problem is, then, the desire to be recognized created a sense of shame in me. Why do I care so much if people know? What is it that drives me to want people to know my values and goodness? And why do I assume it is only in my behaviors that this comes through? I reflected on this a lot, especially as a means of addressing the shame I felt about it and I boiled it down to two main issues:

An insecure attachment: Meaning, as a child, I struggled with the confidence that people would be there for me consistently.
The expansion of the social media empire