You Have Unreasonable Expectations

in

YOU’RE BEING UNREASONABLE WITH YOURSELF.

Whenever I start working with a new client, I have the same conversation: how do we reframe your goals and expectations to support meaningful and sustainable change and growth. We cannot feel better right away - that is unrealistic and often unhelpful.

We often don't seek help until we are in a deep space of despair and anguish. We feel overwhelmed with pain and distress and long for a "fix" or solution to make everything better or resolved. We need to get back to riding ourselves into the ground so make this pain go away as quickly as possible - and with the least amount of time and effort. I often refer to this as the hunt for a "band-aid solution."

By doing this, we are setting avoidant goals, meaning, "I just want to be anywhere but here, so give me whatever you've got."

And it’s not getting us where we want to go. So, what can we do instead?

Read More

Adopt your inner toddler: ASK WHY

in ,

Toddlers are curious. They are constantly exploring the world around them with awe and wonder.

  • “Why is grass green?”

  • “What’s lightning?”

  • “Why do we have snot?”

  • “Why do we die?”

  • “Why do only some foods stain?”

  • “Why do I yell when I get mad?”

These are just some of the questions Everly has asked in the past week. Her quest — to make sense of the world around her. Her willingness to explore and uncover truths and possibilities is constant.

Unfortunately, curiosity is a trait that gets conditioned out of us.

Read More

100% is Contextual & Subjective

in

We are all guilty of over-scheduling ourselves; having ridiculous expectations and pretending we have the time, energy and capacity to do it all without ever needing a break.

The idea of always giving 100% consumes us. But the problem is not that we want to give 100%.

The problem is that we keep assuming 100% is some objective level of performance and that it does not ebb and flow.

Read More

Celebration is a necessary part of growth.

in

It is so easy to focus on what we need to do, what we haven't done or all of the fear and anxiety we have about our future selves.

But it is not without accomplishment and hard work we have gotten to where we are — even if the location is different than planned — and we have got to take time to celebrate that!

So go on, give yourself some space to celebrate! What is something you are proud of yourself for enduring, overcoming, taking on, walking away from or purely acknowledging in your life?

Hold it. Honor it and remind yourself in the moments when everything feels beyond impossible or like you have gotten anywhere that it’s just a new mountain. It’s meant to feel hard. And, this is not the first time you have stood in the face of adversity.