You Have Unreasonable Expectations

August 12, 2024 by Kyira Wackett in Values-Driven Learning

YOU’RE BEING UNREASONABLE WITH YOURSELF.

Whenever I start working with a new client, I have the same conversation: how do we reframe your goals and expectations to support meaningful and sustainable change and growth. We cannot feel better right away - that is unrealistic and often unhelpful.

We often don't seek help until we are in a deep space of despair and anguish. We feel overwhelmed with pain and distress and long for a "fix" or solution to make everything better or resolved. We need to get back to riding ourselves into the ground so make this pain go away as quickly as possible - and with the least amount of time and effort. I often refer to this as the hunt for a "band-aid solution."

By doing this, we are setting avoidant goals, meaning, "I just want to be anywhere but here, so give me whatever you've got."

And it’s not getting us where we want to go. So, what can we do instead?

Not seeing results? Maybe it's a motivation problem?

January 04, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Values-Driven Learning

I watched a TedX Talk a year or so ago given by Mel Robbins where she reiterated multiple times that you will never feel like doing the things you want most in life. I may want to be an early riser, getting up and going to the gym by 5:00 AM, but come the following day, the idea of getting out of bed will sound way less appealing and so I turn over and pull back the covers over my head.

We tiptoe towards action and then when we feel the slightest chill of discomfort, we walk it back.

Statements like, "I'll just do it tomorrow" or "I don't really need to change my routine" fill our heads.

We resign to the idea of being "fine."

This results from being only half-motivated. We have developed the readiness to do or be something but lack the willingness to put that drive into action.

Readiness is about establishing thoughts and beliefs — the buy-in. Willingness is about putting them into action or practice.

Busyness: Not a Badge of Honor but a Deadly Disease

August 17, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Values-Driven Learning

I was absolutely the person that wore busyness as if it were a badge of honor that made me "better" because I was always doing something. And it makes sense. We live in a culture where busyness is one of our primary forms of social capital. Even when we talk about self-care, meditation, and self-improvement, people are always trying to do more rather than less.

Why Productivity is Not Enough to Create the Life you Deserve.

August 10, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Values-Driven Learning

It’s easy to fill our time with tasks, to do's, worries, thoughts, and mindless social media scrolling sessions. Like gas in an enclosed container, "stuff" will always take up as much space in our life as we allow. And then it becomes wishful thinking to assume that we will ever live a life that is not “busy.” All “busy” really means is that we are consumed by these thoughts, feelings and behaviors and do not know how to move past, or separate ourselves, or to work more effectively within them.

From here, the idea of productivity was born. Being able to manage our time and energy most effectively to progress towards our goals and complete the tasks at hand more efficiently and with greater ease. This first step was excellent in the process of treating the disease of busyness. It forced people to use systems of delegation, automation, deleting, and prioritization. But productivity often misses some key concepts that can only be mastered when we take it to the next level of elevation -- Intentional Productivity.

Disappointment is a misalignment of priorities, agendas or values.

June 22, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Meaningful Relationships

We are always worried about the idea of disappointing people. We worry about letting people down or leaving them thinking less of us. What does that mean about us -- our value, our success, our place in the world?

Disappointment is a primary fuel source of shame -- the belief we have to be something more, better, less, or smaller in order to meet the standards of the world around us. And when we let the fear of disappointing others guide the choices we do (or don’t) make and the way we show up in the world, we lose ourselves. We lose ourselves to the performance version of us, trying to please everyone and offend no one.

But the idea of disappointing someone is nothing to fear or to shy away from. First, because it is an experience that cannot be avoided so it becomes wasted energy trying to mitigate the risk of exposure to something you will inevitably experience. Second, because the experience of disappointment, regardless of which end you are on, does not mean anything is wrong with you or the other person. It simply means you are misaligned in some capacity.