It isn't lowering your standards, it's just about SHIFTING them.

April 19, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

I work with a lot of people who identify as high-functioning, over-performing individuals. They have lived much of their life chasing perfection and needing to have it all together and be the best — not to put others down but to give themselves an opportunity to simply be in the space.

In our work together, the subject often comes up about the need to rethink how they are engaging with their time and energy and without fail, as soon as I suggest shifting their goals and expectations, their defenses emerge and they say,

“You think I have too high of standards?”
or
“You think I should lower my expectations?”

It’s a reasonable conclusion to draw — and on some levels, yes, I am saying to lower your standards in some areas. But the reality of what I am saying is:

Can we find more balance in the way we are showing up in our lives?

How you do ANYTHING is how you do EVERYTHING

March 29, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Values-Driven Learning

I was (and still sometimes am) the person who would vacuum the house and conveniently go around furniture rather than move it. I'd wipe the counters but sometimes "forget" to lift up the appliances and get underneath. Rather than make the bed and straighten the covers each night, I'd just throw the crumpled heap over me and go to bed — usually in whatever shirt I happened to have been wearing that day.

I would overbook myself and not take time to actually sit and eat a meal (meaning I eat while doing 6 or 7 other things), take breaks or be in the moment. I'd rush to complete my checklist rather than invest in the project or task itself, sometimes giving 50 or 60% to a task rather than my full 100% just so I can get it done and move on.

This happened so much that sometimes, I would mentally be on to the next thing before I had finished what I was doing and get flustered if anything held me up.

ANY OF THIS RESONATING WITH YOU?

Not seeing results? Maybe it's a motivation problem?

January 04, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Values-Driven Learning

I watched a TedX Talk a year or so ago given by Mel Robbins where she reiterated multiple times that you will never feel like doing the things you want most in life. I may want to be an early riser, getting up and going to the gym by 5:00 AM, but come the following day, the idea of getting out of bed will sound way less appealing and so I turn over and pull back the covers over my head.

We tiptoe towards action and then when we feel the slightest chill of discomfort, we walk it back.

Statements like, "I'll just do it tomorrow" or "I don't really need to change my routine" fill our heads.

We resign to the idea of being "fine."

This results from being only half-motivated. We have developed the readiness to do or be something but lack the willingness to put that drive into action.

Readiness is about establishing thoughts and beliefs — the buy-in. Willingness is about putting them into action or practice.

It's time to looking for quick fixes and instant gratification and celebration.

November 09, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Values-Driven Learning

We feel the need to instantly judge our worth or success based upon mistaken beliefs that perfection is the only option when we try for something and unless we get the reaction and celebration from others, it is not worth it. One wrong move and we are a failure, broken or a loser. But by searching for and striving for immediate results — and getting it all right on the first try, we lose sight of the fact that 10 seconds of fame or one more bullet point to add to our resume does not define us.

We are defined by the culmination of our choices, experiences and, more importantly, who we are.

Nothing sustainable happens in one try and it is through the evolutionary process of living that we find true "success" and joy.

Trust me, I get it. We all have a little Veruca Salt inside of us screaming, "I want it now!" Patience is hard. Waiting sucks. Instant gratification feels way better (at least in the moment) than sitting with ambiguity and anticipation. Especially when we already see a path in front of us and guaranteed outcomes, it creates a false sense of empowerment and motivation. But, in my own pursuits, playing the instant gratification game or choosing the path of least resistance to try and get success from someone else's courage, I can tell you that living in a false truth or someone else's narrative never grants true joy.

Busyness: Not a Badge of Honor but a Deadly Disease

August 17, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Values-Driven Learning

I was absolutely the person that wore busyness as if it were a badge of honor that made me "better" because I was always doing something. And it makes sense. We live in a culture where busyness is one of our primary forms of social capital. Even when we talk about self-care, meditation, and self-improvement, people are always trying to do more rather than less.