Sweet Dreams: The Power of a Nighttime Worry List

October 31, 2023 by Kyira Wackett in Distress Tolerance

Do you find yourself tossing and turning in bed, your mind racing with worries and to-do lists, making it nearly impossible to slip into a peaceful slumber? You're not alone. Many of us grapple with cognitive stressors that stubbornly cling to our thoughts, especially when the lights go out. All of the distractions you have had throughout the day suddenly disappear and you are left alone, with your thoughts. You try reading or scrolling through social media, tossing and turning, but it seems no matter how tired you are, the thoughts keep coming back.

That’s because you haven’t put them anywhere else. You haven’t done anything with them so they just keep swirling. Instead of trying to outrun these thoughts or will them away, try this simple yet powerful technique…

Law of Averages — You can’t always get an ace.

March 22, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Self-Love

Not every blog will be the best — no matter how much my perfection brain pressures me to try.

Happiness is not the goal for a meaningful life

February 08, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Distress Tolerance

We are constantly chasing a destination of happiness or joy — thinking that we can summit the mountain and relocate permanently.

Unfortunately, happiness is not an ever-lasting mountain top we can rest upon. It is an emotion and emotions are transient.

Emotions — all emotions — are meant to be felt and experienced in waves.

They are not meant to be a part of our experience and life permanently. That means that when you feel happy, excited, or joyful that, yes, there is an endpoint. And, the good news is that emotions like sadness, anxiety, anger, and despair will also pass.

Rather than see that change and evolution as good or bad, focus on seeing the depth of the human experience that is felt by feeling these different emotions.

See them all as neutral and inevitable.

In fact, I had a professor describe emotions as a gift because each one is a connection to the human experience and brings us closer to the people, places, and experiences in our lives.

Striving for Certainty Only Breeds Stagnancy — Stop Letting Fear Drive the Bus

February 01, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Fear & Anxiety

As humans, our brains are hard-wired to avoid discomfort.

The fear part of our brain is the dominant driver in that goal. It acts to keep us safe by eliminating possibility and uncertainty as it equates them with threats to our safety.

When faced with ambiguity, our brain works quickly to assess the likelihood of a negative outcome. And fear, being the conservative that it is, never plays a game of risk.

If there is any possibility of a negative result, we feel an immediate pressure to withdraw or hide.

"Go back - it's not worth it," our fear calls to us.

When has "getting over it" ever actually worked? Do this instead.

January 11, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Distress Tolerance

We are constantly forcing ourselves to "get over it."

We fear conflict and challenging conversations to the point we bury our feelings inside until we either explode or become so detached and resentful we no longer engage meaningfully in our relationships.

Why do we do it? The short answer, it's easier...in the moment, anyway.

Why would you talk to your partner about how dismissed and hurt you feel when you can just pretend it's fine and "get over it"?
Why would you tell your friend they hurt your feelings the last time you were together and it is still sitting with you? It's so much better to exert the endless energy to shove it deep down below, isn't it?
Why would you tell your boss you're feeling unappreciated and underpaid when you can just keep making shit money doing 10X your job description? At least you have a job.

We constantly sacrifice our wants and needs to ease tension.

We equate conflict with unhealthy relationships or with being "dramatic" or selfish. We have developed a deeply entrenched system of beliefs that tell us our job is to cause as few waves as possible and to just keep "taking it" and holding a smile on our faces.

You don't want to be seen as dramatic, do you?
Wouldn't you rather have shitty relationships than none at all?
You should be grateful for what you do have, right?

This list of ridiculous beliefs is endless and, unfortunately, traps so many of us in a lifetime of repression and stagnancy.

Now, the trick is...