When has "getting over it" ever actually worked? Do this instead.

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We are constantly forcing ourselves to "get over it."

We fear conflict and challenging conversations to the point we bury our feelings inside until we either explode or become so detached and resentful we no longer engage meaningfully in our relationships.

Why do we do it? The short answer, it's easier...in the moment, anyway.

  • Why would you talk to your partner about how dismissed and hurt you feel when you can just pretend it's fine and "get over it"?

  • Why would you tell your friend they hurt your feelings the last time you were together and it is still sitting with you? It's so much better to exert the endless energy to shove it deep down below, isn't it?

  • Why would you tell your boss you're feeling unappreciated and underpaid when you can just keep making shit money doing 10X your job description? At least you have a job.

We constantly sacrifice our wants and needs to ease tension.

We equate conflict with unhealthy relationships or with being "dramatic" or selfish. We have developed a deeply entrenched system of beliefs that tell us our job is to cause as few waves as possible and to just keep "taking it" and holding a smile on our faces.

  • You don't want to be seen as dramatic, do you?

  • Wouldn't you rather have shitty relationships than none at all?

  • You should be grateful for what you do have, right?

This list of ridiculous beliefs is endless and, unfortunately, traps so many of us in a lifetime of repression and stagnancy.

Now, the trick is...

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There is no quick fix for racism, sexism, or any other “ism”. It is a long haul -- an accumulation of microsteps, establishing trust and collective commitment.

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We all know that lasting change is the accumulation of smaller, micro changes in our daily lives. But when it comes to addressing racism, sexism, classism, ableism, heterosexism, and every other form of “ism” or means of oppression, the idea of focusing on the 1% immediately elicits a response that it is “not enough”. I get it. And, you are right…sort of. 1% changes are not enough in the long term. 1% is not enough to eradicate the disease that is racism or sexism or any other form of oppression. 1% is less than Black people deserve. 1% is less than Indigenous people deserve. 1% is less than Trans folx deserve. 1% is less than people with mental and physical impairments and different abilities deserve.


AND, it is not about just doing the 1% and being done.

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