Time does NOT heal all wounds

July 22, 2024 by Kyira Wackett in Grief & Forgiveness

"Time heals all wounds" is a common phrase that oversimplifies the complex process of healing. Emotions ebb and flow like ocean waves, and just as we can't rush the tides, we can't rush our feelings or the processing of them.

During a visit to the coast last week, I observed tide pools and realized that just as the tides move at their own pace, so do our emotional journeys. While time is a component of healing, it's not the sole factor. We need to actively engage with our emotions, processing and walking through pain to reach a place of healing. This requires a deliberate effort to understand our feelings, allowing them to surface and then dealing with them constructively.

Healing involves a delicate balance of insight, action, and time. Simply shelving our emotions and expecting them to resolve on their own is not enough. We need to break down our healing journey into manageable chunks—focusing on getting through a moment, a minute, or a day. This approach helps us handle the ebb and flow of emotions more effectively, acknowledging that healing is a gradual process. By actively working through our pain and giving ourselves the time to heal, we can move towards a more profound and lasting sense of well-being.

It's time to forgive yourself

January 02, 2024 by Kyira Wackett in Grief & Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a process that involves equal parts grieving and healing. It is about making space to feel and validate our pain and then work to untether ourselves from it to live a more present and fulfilling life. It is crucial to our well-being and yet is something so many of us don’t yet fully understand.

You NEED to forgive yourself

October 17, 2023 by Kyira Wackett in Grief & Forgiveness

The addiction to and chase to hear these words not just from them but from everyone became the goal of my pursuits rather than my values and intentions.

What good is doing good if you only do it for the gold star? What good is being successful if you lose focus on helping other people? Why do we see bigger ripples as more important and valuable when the smallest act (or non-act) can have the biggest change in someone’s life.

This is all a product of shame.

When has "getting over it" ever actually worked? Do this instead.

January 11, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Distress Tolerance

We are constantly forcing ourselves to "get over it."

We fear conflict and challenging conversations to the point we bury our feelings inside until we either explode or become so detached and resentful we no longer engage meaningfully in our relationships.

Why do we do it? The short answer, it's easier...in the moment, anyway.

Why would you talk to your partner about how dismissed and hurt you feel when you can just pretend it's fine and "get over it"?
Why would you tell your friend they hurt your feelings the last time you were together and it is still sitting with you? It's so much better to exert the endless energy to shove it deep down below, isn't it?
Why would you tell your boss you're feeling unappreciated and underpaid when you can just keep making shit money doing 10X your job description? At least you have a job.

We constantly sacrifice our wants and needs to ease tension.

We equate conflict with unhealthy relationships or with being "dramatic" or selfish. We have developed a deeply entrenched system of beliefs that tell us our job is to cause as few waves as possible and to just keep "taking it" and holding a smile on our faces.

You don't want to be seen as dramatic, do you?
Wouldn't you rather have shitty relationships than none at all?
You should be grateful for what you do have, right?

This list of ridiculous beliefs is endless and, unfortunately, traps so many of us in a lifetime of repression and stagnancy.

Now, the trick is...

Emotional Minimalism: Letting Go of the Emotions that Are No Longer Serving You

November 02, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Grief & Forgiveness

Minimalism, a term that has, ironically, taken up so much space in our cultural constructs today, has dramatically shifted the norm. Owning less. Taking on less. Saying less. All of this is tied to a notion of simplification and decluttering of our physical space; but more importantly, of our mental and emotional space and being. I’ve toyed with what my exact definition of minimalism is and how it fits for me and my everyday life but the one thing I know to be true is the greater clarity, space, and resolution I feel in my life, the easier it is for me to show up fully and authentically in my relationships.