We are always worried about the idea of disappointing people. We worry about letting people down or leaving them thinking less of us. What does that mean about us -- our value, our success, our place in the world?

Disappointment is a primary fuel source of shame -- the belief we have to be something more, better, less, or smaller in order to meet the standards of the world around us. And when we let the fear of disappointing others guide the choices we do (or don’t) make and the way we show up in the world, we lose ourselves. We lose ourselves to the performance version of us, trying to please everyone and offend no one.

But the idea of disappointing someone is nothing to fear or to shy away from. First, because it is an experience that cannot be avoided so it becomes wasted energy trying to mitigate the risk of exposure to something you will inevitably experience. Second, because the experience of disappointment, regardless of which end you are on, does not mean anything is wrong with you or the other person. It simply means you are misaligned in some capacity.

What do I mean by this?