I hate to admit it, but I have always struggled with the concept of altruism. Doing good for goodness sake and without the need for something in return — recognition, celebration, etc.? I mean, it sounds lovely. In the broader sense, it is about being content or confident enough in our sense of self that we no longer need or are pressured by others assessment of us — our character, our list of deeds — to feel worthy and whole. But this seemed a gift that was not to be bestowed on me. I mean, I enjoy doing nice things for others. But I always felt this desire to be celebrated for it, finding myself disappointed when things would go unnoticed.

The problem is, then, the desire to be recognized created a sense of shame in me. Why do I care so much if people know? What is it that drives me to want people to know my values and goodness? And why do I assume it is only in my behaviors that this comes through? I reflected on this a lot, especially as a means of addressing the shame I felt about it and I boiled it down to two main issues:

• An insecure attachment: Meaning, as a child, I struggled with the confidence that people would be there for me consistently.

• The expansion of the social media empire