Love: Defining it with our senses and differentiating between how we give and receive it

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Love. Such a blessing to experience — ever-evolving and deepening in our lives. While it is not always synonymous with happiness or good times, it often carries us through the hardest of times or gives us light in the darkest of days.

Love takes work. It means putting in effort even when you are depleted. It is about showing up, whether it means offering a hug at the end of a hard day, listening to someone when they need it most, or buying them a cup of coffee. And it is not always convenient to give. In fact, connection is critical for survival but takes so much energy to maintain. And what it can look like to receive that love and connection can be vastly different than what it looks like to give it; we all crave and show love in different ways. And so, it requires us to be flexible. Flexible with ourselves. Gracious in times of overwhelm and exhaustion. And patient and generous with others.

Remember, you get to define what love means for you. And as you do that, consider the following:

  • What is it like to be loved? Describe it with all 5 senses — sight, smell, taste, touch, hear? Expand on the details. Notice how it may change depending on who you are referring to. Ex. The smell of my grandmother’s cookies or the feel of a back rub from my partner at the end of a long day.

  • Who is someone you love? How do you show them you love them? How do they show you? Is it different?

  • Take a look at your answers for the last question and ask yourself if what you are getting is what you want and need? What about them? Are there conversations that need to be had to create clarity and the chance to better show up for one another?

  • We often show love based on how we have seen it modeled throughout our lives or as a projection of what we hope for from others. This can cause frustration when it falls flat or when it seems others are not reciprocating in the ways we expect.

    • How was showing love modeled to you as a child? Did it resonate with you? Why or why not?

    • How would you like to receive love from your various relationships? Is there a correlation to how you, then, show love?

      • Consider the following relationships: Familial? Romantic? Friendships? Professional? Other:

One of the resources I have found to be most helpful in gaining clarity about how and what love means to us and the ways we need to receive/give it is through the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. For Jordan and I, we were able to see that we were showing love to each other in the ways we wanted it from the other person, not realizing this could be different for each of us. This often left us feeling resentful or hurt, not because the other person did not love us but because of a gap in communicating how we WANT and NEED to be shown love. We deserve to ask for what we need and when it comes to love, we must allow ourselves the opportunity to have these conversations and better understand what it looks like.

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