Relinquishing Urgency: Shifting from doing to being

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We have all felt it — that sense of urgency that makes us feel like we need to achieve success or complete something right now or that we are somehow behind schedule because we are “[INSERT AGE] years old and should have done/been/accomplished that by now”.

I have been feeling it a lot lately — especially with trying to balance my role as a mom and also living in the time of a pandemic. The feeling that I “should” be so excited and feel blessed to have as many opportunities as I do to be with my daughter while simultaneously being able to do and handle all of the things — cleaning my house, running my business, seeing patients…making new content, being creative…food prepping, working out, taking a shower (haha we have all had those days throughout quarantine — kids or not — where the idea of getting in the shower feels it has to be pushed aside to get something else done). This sh*t is hard. And yes, I truly love all of my roles AND I hate how often I feel at odds with the things I want and need to do and the fact that I am always faced with a list running in my head of what more I “should” and “could” be doing.

Where does that come from?

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Spring already?

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It’s one of my favorite times of year! Flowers begin to bloom. The sounds of birds fill the air. The sun greets you with a warmth on your face that envelops you like a hug.

We suddenly feel a renewed sense of energy and joy. Our bodies feel less sluggish and confined. We are excited for the day and start to feel empowered to reclaim ourselves whether it be through self exploration, catching up with friends we haven’t seen in awhile, or reconnecting with nature.

It is also a time where many of us feel “ready” to tackle the work we have longed to do. Cleaning out our closets, finally getting those donations you’ve had boxed up for months dropped off, and turning towards introspection and growth…

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You Have A Right To Your Grief

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How many of you have uttered the words, “It’s fine” when deep down there was no part of you that actually felt that way? Whether coping with a loss, dealing with the pain of recent wrongdoing, feeling burdened, isolated and hopeless, we have all done this.

We have hidden our pain, belittled our experience, and taken on the responsibility of maximizing harmony and minimizing distress in the world around us.

Why?

Because, as a society, we are incredibly grief averse.

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Not Everyone Will Like You. It's Okay.

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We spend too much time giving ourselves to everyone else -- becoming who we think we have to be in order to be liked, accepted, and to belong. Why? The fear of not belonging. The fear that we will not be accepted unless we conform to the world around us. This is the mark of shame. This is the root of how shame gets its power - making us believe that we, alone, are not good enough and so have to assume a new identity or character to play throughout our lives.

Does it work?

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Their Reaction Is Not Always About You.

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Have you ever found yourself in a conversation or interaction, wondering how things got from “here to there”?

It seemed like you were just talking when, suddenly, you are hit with a defense so powerful it is hard to respond. Anger — the degree of which seems completely misaligned with the intensity of the conversation. It might not even be anger directed at you but the intensity of this emotion creates a domino effect so powerful that it can filter everything through its red-coated lenses.

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