Let go of the things — thoughts, people, stories — that are no longer serving you.

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Have you ever stayed in a relationship -- romantic or otherwise -- way past its expiration date? Ruminated on a thought that was no longer serving you? Held onto a belief or feeling because you felt scared to let it go?

Welcome to being human.

We are all inundated with shame and fear motivating us to hold on to people, stories, and thoughts that are no longer (or never did) serve us. Why? Because the perpetual chase to be “enough” has become so externally motivated we become stuck in a web of distress and lies.

We are afraid to let go of these things, even though they make us unhappy.

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Stop underestimating your ability to cope with your own distress.

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I see it all of the time. As humans, it seems to be in our nature to undervalue ourselves and underestimate our ability to handle difficult situations. From dismissing our past achievements and endeavors, minimizing the strengths and abilities we hold within us, and giving our shame-free reign over our lives, we set the stage to be crippled by our distress.

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There is no quick fix for racism, sexism, or any other “ism”. It is a long haul -- an accumulation of microsteps, establishing trust and collective commitment.

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We all know that lasting change is the accumulation of smaller, micro changes in our daily lives. But when it comes to addressing racism, sexism, classism, ableism, heterosexism, and every other form of “ism” or means of oppression, the idea of focusing on the 1% immediately elicits a response that it is “not enough”. I get it. And, you are right…sort of. 1% changes are not enough in the long term. 1% is not enough to eradicate the disease that is racism or sexism or any other form of oppression. 1% is less than Black people deserve. 1% is less than Indigenous people deserve. 1% is less than Trans folx deserve. 1% is less than people with mental and physical impairments and different abilities deserve.


AND, it is not about just doing the 1% and being done.

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Disappointment is a misalignment of priorities, agendas or values.

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We are always worried about the idea of disappointing people. We worry about letting people down or leaving them thinking less of us. What does that mean about us -- our value, our success, our place in the world?

Disappointment is a primary fuel source of shame -- the belief we have to be something more, better, less, or smaller in order to meet the standards of the world around us. And when we let the fear of disappointing others guide the choices we do (or don’t) make and the way we show up in the world, we lose ourselves. We lose ourselves to the performance version of us, trying to please everyone and offend no one.

But the idea of disappointing someone is nothing to fear or to shy away from. First, because it is an experience that cannot be avoided so it becomes wasted energy trying to mitigate the risk of exposure to something you will inevitably experience. Second, because the experience of disappointment, regardless of which end you are on, does not mean anything is wrong with you or the other person. It simply means you are misaligned in some capacity.

What do I mean by this?


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Don't Ignore The Toddler: The Ways Your Anxiety Will Demand To Be Heard

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We’ve all been through it — directly or not: the toddler demanding attention, calling out for a response when you just need a minute.

“Mom. Mom. Moooooom. M-M-M-Mom. MOM!”

They just want your attention and even though you are just finishing one quick text or getting the food in the oven and will be right with them, that is not fast enough. They have waited…or at least to them it feels like they have waited…and now they want your attention NOW.

This metaphor is a perfect example of your anxiety. All of us have it — the severity may vary but it is there.

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