Do You Have Healthy Boundaries?

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The short answer is probably not. Most people don't.

Shame, fear, self-doubt, limiting beliefs all get in the way of setting healthy boundaries and since these experiences are universal, we are all at risk for boundary disruption and erosion.

Plus, none of us have lived in a pandemic before which has been a major stressor and dismantling of our boundaries.

I say this because, as we develop insight into setting healthy boundaries we must be careful not to judge ourselves. I talk more about this in my workbook, I Love Me.

Judgment asks for a punishment, and that only perpetuates our shame.

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How To Respond When Someone Keeps Talking About Diets

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This happens all of the time. Talking about food is not the problem. Talking about food from a shame-based lens is the problem. The pressure to be on a diet, to berate yourself for what you have eaten or “should” be doing, to assume only certain body types can eat certain food…and the list goes on. All of this is shame-driven communication.

Sometimes we eat too much. Sometimes we do not eat enough. Sometimes we need help managing what we eat, how often, and how difficult it can be to feel like we are not controlled by food and self-loathing.

We don’t need to keep perpetuating the ideals that are simultaneously trapping us. So, what can we do if we find ourselves trapped in these conversations?

Try these responses…

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Stop asking if you make sense!

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I do this all of the time! I will share information or be presenting on a talk and will pause and ask whomever I am speaking, “Does that make sense?” Now, the sentiment is valid. I understand sometimes I am sharing complex information or may be sharing a large volume of information in one sitting. Asking if I make sense is a courtesy, right? I care about the audience and want to make sure that they are understanding what I am saying. Wrong...well, mostly, anyway.

See, when we ask if this makes sense, we are doing 2 things:

  1. Implying that what we are saying does not make sense which subconsciously introduces confusion and doubt into your audience while simultaneously disrupting your flow.

  2. Puts the burden of responsibility entirely on you to keep checking in and to make sure that people are understanding what you are saying/mean.

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Reactive vs Responsive: Checking the Ways Our Emotions Show Up to Conversations

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How we respond to and in various interactions is one of the most important sources of power we have.

Do we jump to defense when someone says something hurtful or that feels wrong? Or do we make space for others to have their own thoughts and experience? Are we trying to find a way forward or simply be right? And is it more important to have the other party hear you or react a certain way or can you simply let their reactions go?

Believe it or not, the difference in these answers is what determines who holds your power — you or the other party, or more specifically, you or your shame.

And it all comes down to whether or not you are being reactive or responsive in a given situation.

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