How we respond to and in various interactions is one of the most important sources of power we have.

Do we jump to defense when someone says something hurtful or that feels wrong? Or do we make space for others to have their own thoughts and experience? Are we trying to find a way forward or simply be right? And is it more important to have the other party hear you or react a certain way or can you simply let their reactions go?

Believe it or not, the difference in these answers is what determines who holds your power — you or the other party, or more specifically, you or your shame.

And it all comes down to whether or not you are being reactive or responsive in a given situation.