Stop qualifying what you say

July 15, 2024 by Kyira Wackett in Assertive Communication

Qualifiers are words that are used to increase or decrease significance, quality or value of another word.

Examples can include, “just”, “I think”, “It’s just my opinion, but”, “I guess”, “possibly”, etc.

When it comes to our sense of selves and the way we communicate with others, we often use qualifiers to dismiss the worth or value of what we are saying. We reinforce our negative self-talk through words like "just," "it's only my opinion," or "I know I may not be the expert in the room, but...".

Take all of these words out of your vocabulary. If you have an opinion, share it.

Don't qualify who you are and why you should or shouldn't be listened to.

By making this change, you will allow yourself to believe that you don't have to constantly downplay your thoughts because you are unworthy or have to earn your place. Instead, you have value and a right to be heard.

Speak for Yourself: The Power of "I" Statements

June 11, 2024 by Kyira Wackett in Assertive Communication

If we feel uncomfortable or nervous in an interaction, it’s hard to speak from our own position. It’s difficult to own our wants or feelings and see them as valid on their own. Instead, we use the “we” to try and convince someone else to see us as right, accept our assertion or legitimize our position.

We need to stop.

What is assertiveness?

May 28, 2024 by Kyira Wackett in Assertive Communication

Being assertive is about making space to say and act in a way that honors your wants and needs while also allowing for others to be seen and heard.

It is about creating a playing field of equal presence, respect and values and not sacrificing your own voice or that of anyone else’s.

It is about detaching our worth and value from the reactions, responses and opinions from others while still being able to engage openly in the world.

And more importantly, it is about honoring your authentic self and shedding the shame stories and limiting beliefs that have been crippling you for so long.

To dive deeper into this idea and learn how to make this shift to more assertive communication, check out this more detailed blog post or watch some of these videos on my YouTube.

How do we actually know if the answer is "no"?

October 19, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Assertive Communication

If you are spending time talking yourself into a decision or trying to make the “yes” feel more palatable by minimizing the effect it will have on your life (it’s just an hour, it won’t take that much from me), these are signs your body is trying to communicate with you the answer is “no”.

I was listening to an episode of the Tim Ferris podcast where he interviews Diana Chapman, co-founder of the Conscious Leadership Group and a co-author of the book The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership. In their discussion, she talked a lot about connecting with our body and the idea of learning to recognize when we experience a “subtle no”.

What does she mean by this?

Every time you say “yes” you are saying “no” to something else.

September 07, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Assertive Communication

With every “yes”, I am dedicating time, money, and/or energy in a specific direction (person, event, project, etc). As such, I don’t have the opportunity to use it elsewhere. If I say “yes” to plans with my friends I may be saying “no” to a networking event that sounds interesting. If I say “yes” to answering someone’s phone call, text, or email, I am agreeing to engage with them — giving them my time and energy — over something or someone else. If I say “yes” to that speaking event, I may be saying no to other opportunities or time to work on pitches for other events.