How do we actually know if the answer is "no"?

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If you are spending time talking yourself into a decision or trying to make the “yes” feel more palatable by minimizing the effect it will have on your life (it’s just an hour, it won’t take that much from me), these are signs your body is trying to communicate with you the answer is “no”.

I was listening to an episode of the Tim Ferris podcast where he interviews Diana Chapman, co-founder of the Conscious Leadership Group and a co-author of the book The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership. In their discussion, she talked a lot about connecting with our body and the idea of learning to recognize when we experience a “subtle no”.

What does she mean by this?

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Tone Policing: What is it and why do we do it?

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Have you heard of the concept of "tone policing" before? Essentially, it is an (often) subconscious tool in which people with privilege dismiss marginalized people by focusing on the tone of how something is said versus what is said. For example, the focus on Black people being "too loud" or "too angry" or "too aggressive" when talking about their experiences of racism and oppression. Or, labeling women as being aggressive, b*tchy or bossy when asserting their needs or directing a conversation in the workplace. Rather than listening to the story or making space to engage with the content, we label the person or tone as a means of dismissing what they are saying.


You ascribe meaning to how something is said to avoid dealing with or addressing what is being said.


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