People Pleasing: Why we do it and why you need to stop RIGHT NOW.

in

Shame is often developed early in life and leads to a life filled with a constant state of threat of connection and acceptance. Shame operates under the assumption that we are inherently not good enough and the only way to belong is to make sure no one sees these deficits in our true self. As such, it does what it can to mitigate the threat by forcing us to adapt our behaviors and interpersonal relationships.

And it's best line of defense? People pleasing.

The hope?

Read More

Tone Policing: What is it and why do we do it?

in

Have you heard of the concept of "tone policing" before? Essentially, it is an (often) subconscious tool in which people with privilege dismiss marginalized people by focusing on the tone of how something is said versus what is said. For example, the focus on Black people being "too loud" or "too angry" or "too aggressive" when talking about their experiences of racism and oppression. Or, labeling women as being aggressive, b*tchy or bossy when asserting their needs or directing a conversation in the workplace. Rather than listening to the story or making space to engage with the content, we label the person or tone as a means of dismissing what they are saying.


You ascribe meaning to how something is said to avoid dealing with or addressing what is being said.


Read More