Stop qualifying what you say

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Qualifiers are words that are used to increase or decrease significance, quality or value of another word.

Examples can include, “just”, “I think”, “It’s just my opinion, but”, “I guess”, “possibly”, etc.

When it comes to our sense of selves and the way we communicate with others, we often use qualifiers to dismiss the worth or value of what we are saying. We reinforce our negative self-talk through words like "just," "it's only my opinion," or "I know I may not be the expert in the room, but...".

Take all of these words out of your vocabulary. If you have an opinion, share it.

Don't qualify who you are and why you should or shouldn't be listened to.

By making this change, you will allow yourself to believe that you don't have to constantly downplay your thoughts because you are unworthy or have to earn your place. Instead, you have value and a right to be heard.

Speak for Yourself: The Power of "I" Statements

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If we feel uncomfortable or nervous in an interaction, it’s hard to speak from our own position. It’s difficult to own our wants or feelings and see them as valid on their own. Instead, we use the “we” to try and convince someone else to see us as right, accept our assertion or legitimize our position.

We need to stop.

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What is assertiveness?

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Being assertive is about making space to say and act in a way that honors your wants and needs while also allowing for others to be seen and heard.

It is about creating a playing field of equal presence, respect and values and not sacrificing your own voice or that of anyone else’s.

It is about detaching our worth and value from the reactions, responses and opinions from others while still being able to engage openly in the world.

And more importantly, it is about honoring your authentic self and shedding the shame stories and limiting beliefs that have been crippling you for so long.

To dive deeper into this idea and learn how to make this shift to more assertive communication, check out this more detailed blog post or watch some of these videos on my YouTube.

It's okay to choose yourself.

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When it comes to boundary setting, one of the biggest fears people face is that others will think they are mean, unkind, selfish, etc.

There is a pervasive worry that by taking care of themselves, perhaps taking some distance in a relationship or limiting the role they take on, that they are being mean, bad or hurtful.

And it makes sense…

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