It's okay to choose yourself.

When it comes to boundary setting, one of the biggest fears people face is that others will think they are mean, unkind, selfish, etc.

There is a pervasive worry that by taking care of themselves, perhaps taking some distance in a relationship or limiting the role they take on, that they are being mean, bad or hurtful.

And it makes sense, when so many of us have built our sense of self on the belief that taking care of others is our job. It is on us to make sure everyone else is okay and taken care of, no matter the cost.

So of course, the notion of setting a boundary, such as not going to your family’s holiday get together or stepping back from the “fixer” role with your aging parent, feels completely foreign and inaccessible. We couldn’t possibly do that.

But here’s an important point you deserve to hold on to:

You can have boundaries and still be a kind person.

Healthy boundaries are not punishments but instead, invitations for others to connect with you on a deeper, more authentic level.

If you don’t want to do something, that’s okay. If you can’t say yes to everyone, you are not a bad person. Everyone has a different set of circumstances, time and energy availability, values and goals. It’s completely unreasonable that any one two people will be in complete alignment at a given time.

So instead of focusing on whether or not people will be upset with you or think you are mean, can you resolve to the fact that not everyone will like you, be okay with the choices you make or support you. That’s okay. Choose you anyway.