Write Your Own Story. Live That Life / AR.
I was absolutely the person that wore busyness as if it were a badge of honor that made me "better" because I was always doing something. And it makes sense. We live in a culture where busyness is one of our primary forms of social capital. Even when we talk about self-care, meditation, and self-improvement, people are always trying to do more rather than less.
Read MoreIt’s easy to fill our time with tasks, to do's, worries, thoughts, and mindless social media scrolling sessions. Like gas in an enclosed container, "stuff" will always take up as much space in our life as we allow. And then it becomes wishful thinking to assume that we will ever live a life that is not “busy.” All “busy” really means is that we are consumed by these thoughts, feelings and behaviors and do not know how to move past, or separate ourselves, or to work more effectively within them.
From here, the idea of productivity was born. Being able to manage our time and energy most effectively to progress towards our goals and complete the tasks at hand more efficiently and with greater ease. This first step was excellent in the process of treating the disease of busyness. It forced people to use systems of delegation, automation, deleting, and prioritization. But productivity often misses some key concepts that can only be mastered when we take it to the next level of elevation -- Intentional Productivity.
It is so easy to get caught in a cycle of negativity -- cycling through the list of things that did not go your way, have been done to you, or all of the ways you "suck".
It's like the red car theory...
Read MoreLast week I had the opportunity to spend time with a dear friend and colleague — yay for vaccines and the opportunity to see people again in a safe way!
But interestingly, leading up to that day, I had a mix of emotions rumbling around in my brain. I was excited to see her, absolutely but was also anxious about taking this time away from when I “could” be working. One of the gifts of COVID for many of us is that invitation from our shame to go deeper into the should bank and really squeeze every ounce of the “you should be more productive” account.
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I thought about canceling a bunch of times. Not because I wanted to but because a major part of my brain thought I had to. But the more I took time to get clear on the roots of these different thoughts, the more I was able to decipher the voice behind the pressure, shame and guilt. It wasn't just one person or situation but a culmination of experiences and situations in which I felt like my worth was dependent on how much I did and what success I had. Situations where fun didn't translate to any social capital that felt relevant.
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How sad is that? To live in a brain that has internalized messages that engaging in social joy brings you no social capital?
Read MoreIn high school, I used to buy the most ridiculous clothing because it was “cool”. Hollister polos and Abercrombie jeans anyone? I listened to the music everyone else wanted…and for the record, country music was NEVER a joyful tune to me. I let others influence my opinion or vote -- even in presidential elections, went along with the plans of others, broke up with someone my group of friends found to be “unacceptable”. And one of the hardest ones to admit is that I would make fun of people because that was how others exchanged social capital and “connected” was through exclusion.
As an adult, many of these same pieces continued. From clothes, sharing my options, the work I did, and the perpetuation of busyness, shame, and fear-based thinking.
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