You can do anything short term. But are you in it for the long haul?

September 21, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Distress Tolerance

Shortly after my c-section and the arrival of our beautiful daughter, Everly, I found myself in a place of extreme frustration. C-section recovery is not easy and unfortunately takes a long time and a lot of work to “get back to normal”. I was frustrated that I could not get out of bed without rolling to my side or that I couldn’t even carry the laundry downstairs. I felt helpless (and I am sure the sleep deprivation didn’t help).

Fast forward to months out from surgery and I was still finding myself “playing the long game”. I was cleared to work out but with a LOT of restrictions. I couldn’t go from laying to sitting to standing without having to brace something with my arm. I couldn’t lift anything heavier than my daughter which meant I was in a position of needing to ask for help a lot.

Combine that with Everly’s various developmental leaps, nights where she slept 20-30 minutes at a time and her teething (yep, she is getting a tooth 2 months in), I often found myself feeling a bit helpless.

In a place of self-pity — yes, I have those moments same as you and sometimes, they are entirely necessary and helpful — I started crying to Jordan and just talked about how this feels so silly that everything feels so hard. And his response really hit me (in a good way).

He told me that anyone can play the short game even if they are just flailing their way through it. Anyone can do the short sprints and work. But the long game requires significantly greater mental strength and capacity and a commitment to taking small, calculated steps in the direction you want to go while weathering the storm.

Unfortunately, that meant grieving I couldn’t work out the way I might like to and that I still had to roll to my side to get out of bed. It meant I had to accept that many nights are filled with sleeplessness and I had to rely more heavily on the support of ibuprofen than I might like as headaches seem to be inevitable without proper sleep.

AND, if I looked back at the first few months after my c-section, I had, in fact, made significant progress and continued to do hard things every day. These forward movements had been lost in my grief, self-judgment, shame and frustration. My life completely changed on February 26th, 2020 — yes, in may ways for the better but let’s be real, it is not all rainbows and unicorns being a new parent or recovering from major surgery.

Even now, over a year and a half in, and fatiguing on the realities of a pandemic life, there is a long way to go. My body will always be different and in some ways, is still recovering as scar tissue breaks up or nerve endings become sensitive again. As much as I would like to, I cannot rush the process of healing — in any account. In fact, the more I try to force or rush it, the longer it will take as this will only set me back further into my shame and spending time, money and energy on things that I have no control over or do not serve me.

Okay, so how does this relate to you?

The power of a daily gratitude practice

September 14, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Self-Love

This simple practice is one of immense power and possibility. And, unfortunately, like many of the most helpful routines and rituals in our lives, this practice can often get overlooked, pushed to the back burner or become laden with pressure and misconception that makes it difficult to engage in.

So, let’s break it down, demystify it a bit and figure out the best way you can make a practice of gratitude work for you in your life!

First off…Why is gratitude so important?

Check out my short YouTube video that talks about what barriers and misconceptions we have about gratitude and some of the most important benefits of expressing and cultivating a mindset rooted in gratitude can have not only in our own lives but in the impact we can have in the world overall.

How can you bring this into your life in a sustainable way that does not require a lot of time?

Every time you say “yes” you are saying “no” to something else.

September 07, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Assertive Communication

With every “yes”, I am dedicating time, money, and/or energy in a specific direction (person, event, project, etc). As such, I don’t have the opportunity to use it elsewhere. If I say “yes” to plans with my friends I may be saying “no” to a networking event that sounds interesting. If I say “yes” to answering someone’s phone call, text, or email, I am agreeing to engage with them — giving them my time and energy — over something or someone else. If I say “yes” to that speaking event, I may be saying no to other opportunities or time to work on pitches for other events.

Connection Over Perfection

August 31, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Meaningful Relationships

I used to get so overwhelmed about the idea of giving a presentation, showing a piece of work, or posting anything on social media. I worried about getting something wrong, not being seen as professional enough, or letting people down in some way by not having it “all figured out”. I would sit on sketches, prompts, talk topics, etc, and never share them, telling myself that they were not ready or good enough yet — a word so deeply coated in fear.

I thought I had to be everything before I could do or be anything.

You are the only one who gets to decide what love means to you.

August 24, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Meaningful Relationships

For so many of us, the idea of "love" has become so complicated. False or unrealistic expectations perpetuated by movies, the stories we internalize from those around us about what is and is not acceptable in relationships and the confusion with compassion, infatuation, strong like, endearment and in many cases, shame, and true love — No, not “true love” but love truly.

When we think about the idea of "love" - loving someone, loving something, loving ourselves - it is our right to define what that looks like for ourselves. We get to consider our own thoughts, wants, needs, beliefs, and goals. That is the only way to truly feel it. Otherwise, it is just a performance made to have everything look a certain way rather than be for you.