Perspective — the key factor in how we view the world.

in

It looks like an awesome photo on a boat of me looking off onto (what seems to be) a beautiful view from the outside. True. There were probably some fantastic views to be had. But this story is quite different.

We were in Iceland and on a whale watching tour with HIGH hopes of seeing a whale out on the ocean.

But after 2 canceled or rescheduled trips that week, and the hope of the 3rd time being the charm, we were unpleasantly surprised to see no more than 10 feet from the boat and were in the midst of stormy weather (which is not unusual in Iceland) the entire boat ride. Even when we hit clearer patches, there was nothing.

I probably wouldn't have been able to see it anyway as I was mostly trying to keep myself from throwing up from seasickness the entire boat ride. And before you ask, yes, I have tried the patches, pills, bracelets, and more...nothing curbs the drive to vomit when I am on a boat, unfortunately, no matter how strong my will or number of attempts. Now, when we think of the world of social media and the internet, we see too many painted pictures of beauty, wonder, and life to "be jealous of." We see perspectives manipulated to show a certain view or outcome.

Don't get me wrong — I am all about people enjoying their lives and sharing that enjoyment and wonder with the world.

AND I am a realist.

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Stop assuming you have to have all of the answers

in

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to lose or to be wrong?

It's because most of us have been instilled with the belief that our value is driven by social capital.

Social capital is earned by being superior to or standing out amongst the rest for what we can offer or achieve.

I remember first playing the game, Euchre, and even though I was learning, I felt stupid (and frustrated) when it would take me so long to understand the game or I would make a mistake. I could hear my negative thoughts screaming - "you suck," "people are annoyed with having to play with you," and so on.

And that wasn't even about anything "important" -- it was just a card game.

But because of the ideas of social capital, compounded by our shame, we believe we must know and be good at everything to fit in and be seen as smart or intelligent.

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People Pleasing: Why we do it and why you need to stop RIGHT NOW.

in

Shame is often developed early in life and leads to a life filled with a constant state of threat of connection and acceptance. Shame operates under the assumption that we are inherently not good enough and the only way to belong is to make sure no one sees these deficits in our true self. As such, it does what it can to mitigate the threat by forcing us to adapt our behaviors and interpersonal relationships.

And it's best line of defense? People pleasing.

The hope?

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Conforming. No, this is not just a teenage problem. And it’s time we all stopped.

in

In high school, I used to buy the most ridiculous clothing because it was “cool”. Hollister polos and Abercrombie jeans anyone? I listened to the music everyone else wanted…and for the record, country music was NEVER a joyful tune to me. I let others influence my opinion or vote -- even in presidential elections, went along with the plans of others, broke up with someone my group of friends found to be “unacceptable”. And one of the hardest ones to admit is that I would make fun of people because that was how others exchanged social capital and “connected” was through exclusion.

As an adult, many of these same pieces continued. From clothes, sharing my options, the work I did, and the perpetuation of busyness, shame, and fear-based thinking.

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