Reactive vs Responsive: Checking the Ways Our Emotions Show Up to Conversations

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How we respond to and in various interactions is one of the most important sources of power we have.

Do we jump to defense when someone says something hurtful or that feels wrong? Or do we make space for others to have their own thoughts and experience? Are we trying to find a way forward or simply be right? And is it more important to have the other party hear you or react a certain way or can you simply let their reactions go?

Believe it or not, the difference in these answers is what determines who holds your power — you or the other party, or more specifically, you or your shame.

And it all comes down to whether or not you are being reactive or responsive in a given situation.

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The Curse of Time & Choice

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My mind has been consumed lately with all of the ideas, wants, pressures that are coursing through me. Wrought with ideas, my brain is trying to reconcile all I want to do, all I have not done and all of the things I did and no longer want or need in my life. It’s as if someone dumped a thousand ping pong balls in my head then turned on a fan to watch them all zoom through my brain space.

I have been overwhelmed before. You’ve likely heard me talk about it (self-disclosure is one of my key factors in my work and brand). I think that is just part of the human condition — to ebb and flow from feelings of overwhelm to nothingness. But this feels different. It’s like I am on the crux of something great but it is hard to trust the process without rushing it. I am getting clearer on my vision for the professional life I want and feel pulled to lead but with that greater clarity comes both eagerness and urgency (which you can understand can often be difficult to differentiate from one another).

Time is a curse.

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Addressing Negative Self-Talk

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We have all heard the phrase, “You wouldn’t talk to others the way you do yourself”, right?

And while all of us can shake our heads in agreement, knowing that is true, we continue to say such shitty things to ourselves. Why? Well, our brains are creatures of habit and over time, the more we do something, the more our brain tries to automate it. It just happens. We aren’t sitting there thinking of mean things to say…they just, sort of appear. And because we are used to it, it doesn’t seem mean or shitty, it just seems like your norm.

So what can we do? Like any habit, it takes both insight and action to start to break it and wire our brains to do something different.

How do I know if I have negative self talk?

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Guess What? We All Get Jealous.

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I get jealous.

And no, it is not only child syndrome - it’s ego. Well, ego, fear and a sprinkling of shame.

We’ve all felt it. That moment when someone tells you about their amazing news and all you think about is why you don’t have that yet. Or better yet, you start running through the list of bullet points that compare the two of you to determine who is truly “better” or has won out.

I hate that it happens and wish that it didn’t but before I know it, it’s like the toddler in me emerges and all I see is what others have that I don’t.

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Doing More...with less?

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Minimalism — the thing people do every few months after the clutter of their lives builds back up.

It was by happenstance I became known for my work on minimalism in the community. When I started my career as a therapist, I realized that so much of people’s presenting concerns had to do with the literal and metaphorical baggage they had been touting around throughout their lives. Riddled with resentment, chronic pain, unresolved and complex grief and shame, people were buried in the chaos and “stuff” in the world around them, searching for meaning through external validation expectation. In my personal and professional life, I am being reminded, again, of the importance of truly understanding the concept of minimalism. It is not just about clearing clutter and making your space pretty. It is about…

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