FACT: Self Care is NOT a Luxury

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Self-Care & Self-Compassion.

An over-saturated topic that often leaves one feeling annoyed and overwhelmed when talking about it. We have all been told to take better care of ourselves. We all know the phrase “Put your own oxygen mask on first”. No one needs me to say it to you again. It would be like assuming that someone who smokes needs to be told it’s bad for them.

And yet, compassion fatigue, resentment, neglecting one’s mental and physical health and the inability to put one’s self first contribute to the highest rates of burnout, chronic health issues and more.

So…what gets in the way?

Problem: The misconception about what self-care is.

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Boundaries - The Ins and Outs

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What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits we set — for ourselves and others — as we increase our self-awareness and move forward in creating a life we can thrive within.

Most people, when they think about boundaries, can identify some main ones — physical, emotional, or professional. The truth is, there are 6 main types of boundaries we need to concern ourselves with and focus on in our everyday lives:

  • Physical

  • Mental

  • Emotional

  • Spiritual (No, this is not synonymous with religious or faith…think more metaphysical)

  • Professional

  • Structural (i.e. managing our time, money and resources)

And before you ask, yes, every one of these applies to you.

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Clarifying your values - freeing you up to make choices with less hesitation, self-doubt, and fear.

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You have probably heard me talk about values…on countless occasions. One might even think I get paid every time I say it, it’s that often. Why? Because our values are the underpinnings that anchor us to our internal motivations and can empower us to live a truly authentic life. By clarifying our values, we can strip away the external pressures, more easily challenge our shame narratives and negative self talk, and move away from that urge to perform to be what we think others want.

What do you mean when you say “values”?

Your values are your “why” or the purpose, belief or cause that inspires and empowers you to do what you do in life. Simon Sinek talks a lot about the “Power of Why” in terms of leadership and professional growth and looks at how the “why” is more important than the “what” or “how” of the things a business does.

This is true for our personal lives as well.

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Fear — a universal experience no one wants to talk about.

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Fear is a primal response — meaning, we are pre-programmed to feel it. Its sole purpose is to keep us alive and safe. When our fear-brain assesses a perceived or potential threat, it kicks off this cascade response in our brains that shuts down all executive functioning and activates a fight, flight or freeze response to do what it deems necessary to survive the threat. Why does it turn off the higher functioning part of our brain? Because, while that part is wicked smart and capable of processing a lot of things, it works too slow to effectively protect us in times of danger.

This is super helpful when you think about our ancestors, right? I mean, during times of sabre-toothed tigers, the bubonic plague, or really anything that we could encounter playing the Oregon Trail…we needed fear to help us avoid or actively respond to deadly threats. We didn’t have time to think, we just needed to react.

But as we have progressed and the threats to our survival and safety have gone down, one would assume the fear response would have also decreased as the threats we face now are much less imminent and widespread. Worrying about an uncomfortable work meeting is not the same as seeing a bear running at me at full speed.

However, we have, instead, seen an increase in our fear response.

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