What you think of me is none of my business.

in

We spend so much time in other people’s stories - worrying about the role we play and often making ourselves the central focus and pain point in their lives. We assume they are judging us or may think less of us because we are not doing or being “enough”. We ascribe meaning to every look, lack of response, and interaction. We play a part to “fit in” to the narrative of those around us - or, at least, the narrative we are assuming they are existing in. But the more we do that, the more we distance ourselves from who we really are, exiting our orbit to circle around theirs.

News flash...this is not making you happy!

Read More

Shame: The universal experience no one talks about.

in

Shame. The universal feeling that will consume us if we let it. So let’s start talking about it.

The topic of shame has been coming up a lot in both my personal and professional life lately. People consumed with a feeling that overrides their thoughts, feelings and behaviors and unsure of where to go next. The problem is that this has become the norm for so many of us that we do not even realize the effect it is having on us. It’s as if we gave shame the keys to drive the bus of our lives but can’t ever remember doing it nor do we have any idea how to get them back.

First things first — what is shame exactly?

Shame is a feeling. It is something that everyone experiences (unless you were born without the ability to feel emotions). So, in a weird way, it is something that connects us all and yet works to keep us apart. The definition? It is the threat to disconnection — real or perceived.

See, as humans, the sense of belonging is a vital as air and water. We need to feel as though we are connected to others and if there is ever a threat to the security in that connection, we feel shame.

Why do people keep talking about shame? How is this any different from feeling guilty?

Read More

Addressing Negative Self-Talk

in ,

We have all heard the phrase, “You wouldn’t talk to others the way you do yourself”, right?

And while all of us can shake our heads in agreement, knowing that is true, we continue to say such shitty things to ourselves. Why? Well, our brains are creatures of habit and over time, the more we do something, the more our brain tries to automate it. It just happens. We aren’t sitting there thinking of mean things to say…they just, sort of appear. And because we are used to it, it doesn’t seem mean or shitty, it just seems like your norm.

So what can we do? Like any habit, it takes both insight and action to start to break it and wire our brains to do something different.

How do I know if I have negative self talk?

Read More

Guess What? We All Get Jealous.

in

I get jealous.

And no, it is not only child syndrome - it’s ego. Well, ego, fear and a sprinkling of shame.

We’ve all felt it. That moment when someone tells you about their amazing news and all you think about is why you don’t have that yet. Or better yet, you start running through the list of bullet points that compare the two of you to determine who is truly “better” or has won out.

I hate that it happens and wish that it didn’t but before I know it, it’s like the toddler in me emerges and all I see is what others have that I don’t.

Read More

FACT: Self Care is NOT a Luxury

in

Self-Care & Self-Compassion.

An over-saturated topic that often leaves one feeling annoyed and overwhelmed when talking about it. We have all been told to take better care of ourselves. We all know the phrase “Put your own oxygen mask on first”. No one needs me to say it to you again. It would be like assuming that someone who smokes needs to be told it’s bad for them.

And yet, compassion fatigue, resentment, neglecting one’s mental and physical health and the inability to put one’s self first contribute to the highest rates of burnout, chronic health issues and more.

So…what gets in the way?

Problem: The misconception about what self-care is.

Read More