Addressing Negative Self-Talk

August 26, 2020 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame, Fear & Anxiety

We have all heard the phrase, “You wouldn’t talk to others the way you do yourself”, right?

And while all of us can shake our heads in agreement, knowing that is true, we continue to say such shitty things to ourselves. Why? Well, our brains are creatures of habit and over time, the more we do something, the more our brain tries to automate it. It just happens. We aren’t sitting there thinking of mean things to say…they just, sort of appear. And because we are used to it, it doesn’t seem mean or shitty, it just seems like your norm.

So what can we do? Like any habit, it takes both insight and action to start to break it and wire our brains to do something different.

How do I know if I have negative self talk?

Guess What? We All Get Jealous.

August 12, 2020 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

I get jealous.

And no, it is not only child syndrome - it’s ego. Well, ego, fear and a sprinkling of shame.

We’ve all felt it. That moment when someone tells you about their amazing news and all you think about is why you don’t have that yet. Or better yet, you start running through the list of bullet points that compare the two of you to determine who is truly “better” or has won out.

I hate that it happens and wish that it didn’t but before I know it, it’s like the toddler in me emerges and all I see is what others have that I don’t.

"I FEEL" vs "I AM"

June 03, 2019 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

It seems small. One word change. AND, it makes all of the difference. This comes up all of the time with my clients. "I am so fat", they'll say, & with love and gentleness, I urge, "You FEEL fat". Or, "I feel like I failed" rather than "I am a failure". Why is this so important? Because we become the labels put on us & by saying "I am..." we're labeling ourselves, our entirety of being, rather than acknowledging the transient feeling or experience.

These statements are subjective. They may feel like truth but are in fact, opinion. They're attributions heavily ladened with shame, negative self talk & negative core beliefs. They are usually seen & defined through distorted lenses through which we view ourselves & our place in the world. Now, don't get me wrong. Even if it's subjective, the experience is real. I've definitely felt fat. I've felt like a failure & that no one likes me. AND, feeling those things does not make them true.

So, the next time you, or someone you care about says "I am...", gentle correct the course and replace it with "I feel...". Honor the feeling & experience while making space for those words not to shackle you to an identity unfairly ascribed.

Ready to take the next step?

Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.
Check out some other awesome content on YouTube or my podcast, Untethering Shame.

Words Matter

April 01, 2019 by Kyira Wackett in Assertive Communication

Remember that saying:

“Sticks and stones may break my back but words will never hurt me.”

I call BULLSHIT. What we say to each other matters. What we say to each other sticks with us, informing our core beliefs, fueling shame and leading us to constricting labels and judgments about ourselves that shape who we become.