What you think of me is none of my business.

in

We spend so much time in other people’s stories - worrying about the role we play and often making ourselves the central focus and pain point in their lives. We assume they are judging us or may think less of us because we are not doing or being “enough”. We ascribe meaning to every look, lack of response, and interaction. We play a part to “fit in” to the narrative of those around us - or, at least, the narrative we are assuming they are existing in. But the more we do that, the more we distance ourselves from who we really are, exiting our orbit to circle around theirs.

News flash...this is not making you happy!

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Stop worrying about the credit.

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Sometimes I worry more about getting the credit than about making a contribution. Do you ever feel that way? Fighting the urge to tell someone you are responsible for this successful action or outcome to make sure you are associated with and celebrated for it? Creating or doing for the praise rather than putting something into the universe that elevates and empowers those around you?

It's normal. Trust me. And I am not just saying that because I want to make myself feel better.

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It’s not all going to happen right now. And that is okay.

in

A dear friend of mine gave me a mug for my birthday this past year with the note that read “Celebrate the Small Victories.” This year, especially, this seems to be such an important statement. In addition to all of our own individual struggles, we have been shoulder-deep in this pandemic, battling compassion fatigue and a bit of burnout, and navigating the widespread divisions, ruptures, and pain in our country. This time has been nothing short of overwhelming. And we are not yet able to see the light at the end of the tunnel (trust me, it is there).

This has been a time for deep reflection. I have been, in what I call, a perpetual cycle of “rupture and repair”. In this, I have found myself face to face with shame narratives I both had been running from and, honestly, did not know existed.

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Oh 2020, How Much I have Learned!

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What a year this has been. It has been filled with grief, anxiety, hope, loss, joy, fear and empowerment. It has been a year that has taught me so much and a time in my life I feel like I am finally grieving, processing and working through some of my deeply rooted shame stories.


In the midst of all of the shared distress and anxiety, Jordan and I welcomed our daughter, Everly, about a week before the country shut down. Becoming a new parent — something that is already such a complex swirl of emotions with a thin candy coating of sleep deprivation — is such an amazing and overwhelming shift in life.

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Shame: The universal experience no one talks about.

in

Shame. The universal feeling that will consume us if we let it. So let’s start talking about it.

The topic of shame has been coming up a lot in both my personal and professional life lately. People consumed with a feeling that overrides their thoughts, feelings and behaviors and unsure of where to go next. The problem is that this has become the norm for so many of us that we do not even realize the effect it is having on us. It’s as if we gave shame the keys to drive the bus of our lives but can’t ever remember doing it nor do we have any idea how to get them back.

First things first — what is shame exactly?

Shame is a feeling. It is something that everyone experiences (unless you were born without the ability to feel emotions). So, in a weird way, it is something that connects us all and yet works to keep us apart. The definition? It is the threat to disconnection — real or perceived.

See, as humans, the sense of belonging is a vital as air and water. We need to feel as though we are connected to others and if there is ever a threat to the security in that connection, we feel shame.

Why do people keep talking about shame? How is this any different from feeling guilty?

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