Write Your Own Story. Live That Life / AR.
What makes it so difficult? Honestly, I know I say it so much, but SHAME. Shame threatens our connection to others & the idea of being "right" often correlates with a sense of pride and value we attribute to greater belonging or value added to others. Sure, we can all sit here and say it isn't true AND, in the moment, in can be so hard to let it go.
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It seems small. One word change. AND, it makes all of the difference. This comes up all of the time with my clients. "I am so fat", they'll say, & with love and gentleness, I urge, "You FEEL fat". Or, "I feel like I failed" rather than "I am a failure". Why is this so important? Because we become the labels put on us & by saying "I am..." we're labeling ourselves, our entirety of being, rather than acknowledging the transient feeling or experience.
These statements are subjective. They may feel like truth but are in fact, opinion. They're attributions heavily ladened with shame, negative self talk & negative core beliefs. They are usually seen & defined through distorted lenses through which we view ourselves & our place in the world. Now, don't get me wrong. Even if it's subjective, the experience is real. I've definitely felt fat. I've felt like a failure & that no one likes me. AND, feeling those things does not make them true.
So, the next time you, or someone you care about says "I am...", gentle correct the course and replace it with "I feel...". Honor the feeling & experience while making space for those words not to shackle you to an identity unfairly ascribed.
Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.
Check out some other awesome content on YouTube or my podcast, Untethering Shame.
“You make it really say for people to forget about you.”
I remember the moment my, now husband, said those words to me. Too many nights had passed where I had talked about this feeling of emptiness it seemed was innately present in me where he finally felt a drive to say what I could tell had been on his mind for months.
Read MoreIf you remember from my blog post a few months ago, Words Matter, what we say to ourselves and those around us shapes our self-esteem and effects the way we feel about our worth and value. This can have detrimental effects on our overall health and well-being…see more
Read MoreA question that defines so much of our communication. It is ubiquitous in every interaction as if we have a quota to hit on the number of times we ask it. And it is not just to adults. We do it to kids and adolescents too; “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, “Where do you want to go to college?”, “What are you majoring in?”, or the worst…”You should be/do ‘X’.”
It is seemingly innocent. People spent significant amounts of their time and energy in school and working, so it is only natural we would ask about it. AND, at what cost?
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