If you are still trying to figure out the score — you already lost. 

in

We have all found ourselves in relationships where we tirelessly try to tally up who has done more or committed the greater number of wrongs.

Perhaps it's our shame making us feel like we are not showing up enough in the relationship:

  • Am I taking up too much space?

  • Have I offered to pay for lunch enough?

  • They do so much for me; I should be able to do "X".

Perhaps it's because shame is trying to make you feel a sense of power and control by cutting down others:

  • "How often am I doing for them with nothing in return?" or "You would think given all I do for them, they could just do 'X'."

  • I may have done "X," but do you know what they did to me?

Either way, trying to keep score in any relationship reduces it to something transactional and conditional.

Read More

I am grieving. And that's okay.

in

I am grieving. And whew, it's a doozy.

Many of you know from some of my recent emails that my grandma — the woman who raised me throughout much of my young adult life — died on July 22nd.

Since then, I have felt angry, sad, joyful, confused, disconnected, completely normal, and so much more. Some days I forget my grandma died. Some, I feel a level of connection to and with her that carries me through my day. And others, it's like a rock in my heart that is too heavy to lift.

To say we had a complex relationship is an understatement.

Read More

Are you ruminating or digesting?

in

Do you ever feel like your thoughts get stuck on repeat — endlessly perseverating over the same thing? Until you're so fixated on them, you can't think about anything else?

This is called rumination.

Rumination is a hyper-fixation on a person, situation, thought, or decision that inhibits our basic functioning.

It's a distraction or a pulling away from daily life, getting stuck in our heads. We’re displaced from the "now" and stuck skipping like an old Walkman on your super scratched CD.

BUT HOW DO WE STOP GETTING STUCK HERE?

Read More

It can wait! See you in the Fall!

I have a tendency to try and do it all. If you are familiar with my work, you know that has a lot to do with my shame stories that I have to do it all in order to be worthy, good enough, acceptable.

One of the things I am actively working on is challenging this notion and one way I can do that in to honor that I am in a state of swirl — meaning I have a lot on my plate right now that I am really excited about both personally and professionally and in order to give myself the space to show up and be who I want to be and give it all I can (because I want) to, I am giving myself the permission to take the summer off from blogging.

Don’t worry, you can still find tons of new content with videos released each week on YouTube, a bi-weekly email newsletter with exclusive content that I don’t share anywhere else, guest blog posting on the Portland Mom Collective and SOULBASE Magazine and of course, new podcast guest episodes updated as they are released!

I am excited to focus my energy on all of the work I have in front of me with some amazing projects and the upcoming early access release of my program, That Life / AR.

If you need anything from me, simply email me and I will be here. Otherwise, I will see you in the fall blog readers!

Best,

Kyira

It isn't lowering your standards, it's just about SHIFTING them.

in

I work with a lot of people who identify as high-functioning, over-performing individuals. They have lived much of their life chasing perfection and needing to have it all together and be the best — not to put others down but to give themselves an opportunity to simply be in the space.

In our work together, the subject often comes up about the need to rethink how they are engaging with their time and energy and without fail, as soon as I suggest shifting their goals and expectations, their defenses emerge and they say,

“You think I have too high of standards?”

or

“You think I should lower my expectations?”

It’s a reasonable conclusion to draw — and on some levels, yes, I am saying to lower your standards in some areas. But the reality of what I am saying is:

Can we find more balance in the way we are showing up in our lives?

Read More