Not Everyone Will Like You. It's Okay.

March 16, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

We spend too much time giving ourselves to everyone else -- becoming who we think we have to be in order to be liked, accepted, and to belong. Why? The fear of not belonging. The fear that we will not be accepted unless we conform to the world around us. This is the mark of shame. This is the root of how shame gets its power - making us believe that we, alone, are not good enough and so have to assume a new identity or character to play throughout our lives.

Does it work?

Time To Take The Mask Off.

February 09, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

We do it all the time. Conform to the group around us. Hide an opinion to sound more “easy going”. Act excited and happy when we feel exhausted and annoyed.

Driven by the belief that we must perform to the standards of those around us, we put on a mask, every day, and try to be the version of ourselves we think the people around us will best respond to.

I did this for years - always going with the flow, taking care of everyone’s problems, being the person who could handle anything with a smile on her face.

And to what end?

Stop worrying about the credit.

January 19, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

Sometimes I worry more about getting the credit than about making a contribution. Do you ever feel that way? Fighting the urge to tell someone you are responsible for this successful action or outcome to make sure you are associated with and celebrated for it? Creating or doing for the praise rather than putting something into the universe that elevates and empowers those around you?

It's normal. Trust me. And I am not just saying that because I want to make myself feel better.

Oh 2020, How Much I have Learned!

January 05, 2021 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

What a year this has been. It has been filled with grief, anxiety, hope, loss, joy, fear and empowerment. It has been a year that has taught me so much and a time in my life I feel like I am finally grieving, processing and working through some of my deeply rooted shame stories.

In the midst of all of the shared distress and anxiety, Jordan and I welcomed our daughter, Everly, about a week before the country shut down. Becoming a new parent — something that is already such a complex swirl of emotions with a thin candy coating of sleep deprivation — is such an amazing and overwhelming shift in life.

Shame: The universal experience no one talks about.

October 07, 2020 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

Shame. The universal feeling that will consume us if we let it. So let’s start talking about it.

The topic of shame has been coming up a lot in both my personal and professional life lately. People consumed with a feeling that overrides their thoughts, feelings and behaviors and unsure of where to go next. The problem is that this has become the norm for so many of us that we do not even realize the effect it is having on us. It’s as if we gave shame the keys to drive the bus of our lives but can’t ever remember doing it nor do we have any idea how to get them back.

First things first — what is shame exactly?

Shame is a feeling. It is something that everyone experiences (unless you were born without the ability to feel emotions). So, in a weird way, it is something that connects us all and yet works to keep us apart. The definition? It is the threat to disconnection — real or perceived.

See, as humans, the sense of belonging is a vital as air and water. We need to feel as though we are connected to others and if there is ever a threat to the security in that connection, we feel shame.

Why do people keep talking about shame? How is this any different from feeling guilty?