Time To Take The Mask Off.

We do it all the time. Conform to the group around us. Hide an opinion to sound more “easy-going”. Act excited and happy when we feel exhausted and annoyed.

Driven by the belief that we must perform to the standards of those around us, we put on a mask, every day, and try to be the version of ourselves we think the people around us will best respond to.

I did this for years - always going with the flow, taking care of everyone’s problems, being the person who could handle anything with a smile on her face.

And to what end?

I thought it would give me a greater sense of security and connection to those around me. I assumed I would feel less anxious and that the voice of shame might die down after a while because I was the ideal version of myself, optimizing everyone’s lives. But all I ended up with was an increasing sense of disconnection from myself, resentment for the world around me, and an Oscar-worthy performance no one even knew was taking place.

I was exhausted all of the time and longed, more than ever, for connection. No, not the connection I had obtained with my masterful performance but the connection of true friendship. The one that occurs when people know the real you and choose to be a part of your life.

I started to see that the mask(s) I wore were no longer serving me…or probably, never did. I began to envision a life without them and even though fear gave me a major warning to heed, my courage and momentum started to turn the other way.

It took me several years but eventually, I was able to learn to live without the mask and as my true self. Small steps turned to major shifts and as I stopped pretending, I regained a sense of power and control in my life I had lost for so long. I started to feel as though I could choose who was in my life and saw how much deeper the connections felt and greater people responded as they got to know the “real” Kyira.

I realized that I did not have to be “on” all of the time to have value — and in many ways, that added pressure to others around me. I could be in a bad mood without it having to mean anything. I could feel exhausted and show it without having to try and muster up fake energy. And even though my fears, in some cases, were realized as I lost some friends, ran into a few wrinkles and snags with those around me, the outcome was an infinitely greater return on my investment.

Now, I turn to you.

Take a minute and think about this for your own life. How often do you put on a mask and pretend to be someone incongruent with your true self? At work? With friends or family? On social media? What frightens you most of all about stopping that performance? And where does that fear come from?

What possibilities might come from the evolution to your true self? How might things be different? Even better? Might you like yourself more if you stopped telling yourself that who you are is wrong?

Next steps?

Download this free worksheet that helps you think more deeply about who you are versus who you have pretended to be and gives you the opportunity to reflect on and work more on integrating these two selves.