Conformity and shame are silent, powerful killers.

February 07, 2023 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

One of the best tools we can have in our arsenal to fight against them is positive self-talk and the ability to celebrate ourselves for who we are and all that we do in this world.

But we all know that is easier said than done, right?

Stop punishing yourself for what you didn't know then.

January 31, 2023 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

There is comfort in negative self-evaluation. Even if it's miserable, it's easier to exist in the past.

That's shame's MO, making you anchor yourself in an area of life you have no control over and, as such, handing over the power you have now.

At the end of the day, insight is the only way to healing.

We all need to stop contributing to the culture of conformity.

November 08, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

Life becomes much easier if everyone around you miraculously has the same thoughts, ideas, and beliefs (or acts accordingly).

And in our quest to belong, conformity often coincides with surrounding ourselves with increasingly narrower groups of people, spending more and more time with those most similar to us and with shared interests, ideologies and values.

I mean, yeah, it's nice when I have friends I go on a road trip with who all like the same music or the people I am around enjoy the same activities as me, but what does it say if I only surround myself with people with the same political views or beliefs as me? Or worse off, where do I (or the other party) end of a false sense of “sameness” for fear of conflict or discomfort if we do not agree.

What would it mean if one of my best friends had dramatically different political views? What does it mean if I have friends with dramatically different faith and belief systems or who raise their children in a different way than Jordan and I do?

Is that inherently a bad thing?

Are you ruminating or digesting?

September 20, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

Do you ever feel like your thoughts get stuck on repeat — endlessly perseverating over the same thing? Until you're so fixated on them, you can't think about anything else?

This is called rumination.

Rumination is a hyper-fixation on a person, situation, thought, or decision that inhibits our basic functioning.

It's a distraction or a pulling away from daily life, getting stuck in our heads. We’re displaced from the "now" and stuck skipping like an old Walkman on your super scratched CD.

BUT HOW DO WE STOP GETTING STUCK HERE?

It isn't lowering your standards, it's just about SHIFTING them.

April 19, 2022 by Kyira Wackett in Addressing Shame

I work with a lot of people who identify as high-functioning, over-performing individuals. They have lived much of their life chasing perfection and needing to have it all together and be the best — not to put others down but to give themselves an opportunity to simply be in the space.

In our work together, the subject often comes up about the need to rethink how they are engaging with their time and energy and without fail, as soon as I suggest shifting their goals and expectations, their defenses emerge and they say,

“You think I have too high of standards?”
or
“You think I should lower my expectations?”

It’s a reasonable conclusion to draw — and on some levels, yes, I am saying to lower your standards in some areas. But the reality of what I am saying is:

Can we find more balance in the way we are showing up in our lives?