Can you ever really be comfortable in your own skin?

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We are always looking for ways to mitigate negativity and distress and feel more “comfortable in our own skin.”

For many of us, this translates to how you can better “fit in” and not “stand out”. The problem? We are all designed to be 100% uniquely our own. Even if we share some traits, interests or characteristics with people, we are not the same as anyone else. And yet, we live in a society that tries to fit all of the beautiful nuances of humanity into one of 2 boxes — “enough” or “not enough”; “good” or “bad”; “worthy” or “not”. It’s fucked up. And it breeds identity crises all over the world.

So why do we do it?

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We all need to stop contributing to the culture of conformity.

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Life becomes much easier if everyone around you miraculously has the same thoughts, ideas, and beliefs (or acts accordingly).

And in our quest to belong, conformity often coincides with surrounding ourselves with increasingly narrower groups of people, spending more and more time with those most similar to us and with shared interests, ideologies and values.

I mean, yeah, it's nice when I have friends I go on a road trip with who all like the same music or the people I am around enjoy the same activities as me, but what does it say if I only surround myself with people with the same political views or beliefs as me? Or worse off, where do I (or the other party) end of a false sense of “sameness” for fear of conflict or discomfort if we do not agree.

What would it mean if one of my best friends had dramatically different political views? What does it mean if I have friends with dramatically different faith and belief systems or who raise their children in a different way than Jordan and I do?

Is that inherently a bad thing?

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Love. How have we come to understand it and where are we falling short?

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In our book club, we are reading “All About Love” by Bell Hooks. Whew! Seriously, if you have not read it yet, you need to.

One of the things I am sitting with is the idea that we have created too broad a definition for love in the world.

At first, I wasn’t sure what I thought about this. What do you mean “too broad”? Everyone loves different and shows and receives it in different ways. It’s not reasonable love should look the same to everyone.

The longer I sat, the more I realized I was anchoring my thoughts in the wrong spot. Acts of love are not synonymous with love. Actions are not the same as intention.

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Fear isn't always right. Stop giving it free rein.

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These past few months have been exhausting. I have had company in town for a little over 3 months straight, left my therapy practice to pursue Adversity Rising full time, launched several new programs, spoke at some awesome events, frantically dealt with some scary mom moments including a big fall, her first battle with croup, and tons of exciting ways she is exploring her independence and burgeoning emotional and social awareness. Oh, and there is still a pandemic going on, so, you know, all of that mess, too.

There have been major highs and exciting new ventures coupled by invitations and challenges to sit in and work through shame I had long since thought I dealt with. And looming over all of this has been this pervasive presence of fear and anxiety.

What am I scared of?

Well, besides the realization that being a parent means living with a consistent level of anxiety and uncertainty…

Failing.

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You don’t need to “earn” or “deserve” food.

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Food is not a reward or punishment. Food is fuel.

This typically happens with foods labeled as “junk foods” or high-calorie, nutritionally less dense foods. Over time, this results in us associating food with emotion and output.

Many of us grew up being taught and hearing adults talk about “earning” food. They can eat ice cream because they “earned it” by eating “good” all week or working out. We could have a sucker because we were good at the store or have pizza because we won our game. If you ate your carrots, you could have cake. Which made it so that, even if you liked carrots on their own, your body started to see them as the obstacle or chore to get through to access the cake.

While there is a benefit in defining what moderation looks like…

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