But it is not uncommon for our brain to project our own experiences, thoughts, and systems of operations onto others.

In many cases, we feel reactive when we find out they have a different viewpoint, value system, or internal narrative.

There are many instances in which this is incredibly powerful.

Gaining new perspectives or brainstorming creative problem-solving strategies, learning new ways to do something or engage in the world, connecting to people on a different level and expanding our view from the stories we have come to internalize to those around us as well.

But there are times in which this can cause rupture and tension — especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships and making asks of each other.

Examples may include when to get married, what needs to be done around the house, how to approach a particular conversation, what it looks like to be considerate or "be there" for someone, or even how to send an email.

This shows up a lot in how we make and respond to requests of each other and the thought process, assumptions and values anchored in them.

"That person is too pushy or is inconsiderate."
"I can't ask them to come alone — they will think I am pathetic for inviting myself."
"They don't care."
"Don't they know everything I have on my plate right now?"

If you've ever had thoughts like this, you're not alone.

And while distressing, they are usually rooted in our assumptions and biases. We interact in a certain way and project that onto everyone else.

There are two main types of asks — the "independent" or "asker" and the "analyzer" or "calculator".

Each of us trends towards one end/type or the other.

And the roots of how we formulate and make our asks not only inform the expectations we have of others but also the emotional reaction and buy-in we may feel to their response.

Are you someone who is constantly weighing every option before making an ask?

Do you feel pressure when others ask you to do something that you have to say yes or that they wouldn't have asked if it wasn't important for you to do it?

Do you take it personally when someone says "no" and perhaps feel rejected?

Or do you find yourself letting that go and not tying it to your worth and value?

To find out more about these communication styles and figure out how to more effectively connect with others who may approach things differently from you, check out this video below.

FOR MORE ON THIS TOPIC, CHECK OUT THESE OTHER RESOURCES:

Understand the difference between being Reactive vs Responsive by Checking the Ways Our Emotions Show Up To Conversations
Stop taking on responsibility for what is not your part in the conversation
Learn the magic of the 24-Hour Rule so that you don’t let your feelings take over in a disagreement
Go deeper on the 4 Styles of Communication including your primary style and how it effects your ability to engage with the world around you

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Are you an ASKER or a GUESSER: The crucial difference in how we make and respond to requests

**We often assume that everyone thinks the same way we do. Unfortunately (and fortunately), that is not the case.**