You're going over budget! You can't afford another "YES"

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Our time and energy are finite resources that must be conserved and spent with intention. When we overextend ourselves by trying to say “yes” to everything and everyone, we end up in the red The only way out being a full system shut-down by way of completely shutting everyone and everything out or having a major adult tantrum.

And let’s just say, both sides aren’t fun, pretty or ultimately helpful. Which is why I have had to find different ways to check in with my “yes” expenses and keep myself on track.

How do I stay in budget?

I make a list of everything and everyone I am saying “YES” to including where I’m stuck ruminating or trying to control things I have no control over. From there, I consider the return on investment (ROI) for every “yes”.

Does spending time worrying about whether or not a friend is mad at you actually serve you? Is staying mad at your partner for not cleaning up the kitchen worth while? What about that coffee date you spent hours trying to figure out how to get out of? Or that "opportunity" you felt bad saying “no” to so you gave away hours of your time?

Let’s take it even deeper to the biggest time and energy expenses of all — our shame driven thoughts. How much is too much when it comes to the shame and rumination about if I am a good parent? What does it say if I am leaving every interaction and spending at least double the time wondering what others think of me or if I did something “stupid”?

While there is comfort in these thoughts because this is what we know, believe and root to, they are not helpful nor are they allowing me to elevate beyond my shame.

Part of the work of shame resilience is to then practicing the art of Radical Acceptance and learning to say “no” to everything I can’t control. Then, with the things I can, holding a firmer budget on my “yes’s” because the reality is, not everyone will like me. Not every interaction will be a home run. I will disappoint people and make mistakes. But at the end of the day, I am the only one in my body who has to be in that state of burnout and overwhelm when I try to pretend otherwise so I have to learn to be okay letting go of the idea I can do and be it all so I can be the me I am excited to be every day.

time to reflect:

What is one thing you are saying “YES” to that you are going to leave behind? Tell us in the comments so we can celebrate and support you!

Want to continue the learning? Check out these resources that can help break it down even further:

Inspired to go deeper and really enact change in your life?

If you are tired of piece-mealing the work together and feeling stuck with exactly what to do and how to go about it, check out my immersive 5-Phase shame resilience program, "THAT LIFE / AR" that takes you from burnt out to rooted.

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