The Thanksgiving Conundrum

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A different way to think about Thanksgiving?

The discussion of holidays — Do we celebrate them? How should we celebrate them? what do they mean to us? — has been a topic Jordan and I have been discussing more and more as Everly is getting older. 

Thanksgiving has been a major one for us to consider. How do you talk to a 2.5 year old about the atrocities associated with this holiday? Can you talk about murder with kids that young? Am I uncomfortable because I am privileged? Should we even be celebrating it if it takes this much energy to think about?

It came down to our values about being open to explore biases, sitting in and working through challenging topics, asking tough questions of ourselves and others, and thinking more critically about the world we live in. 

Avoiding Thanksgiving altogether does nothing to help Everly understand the terrible history around the holidays. It makes us part of the problem.

It does nothing to give her greater insight into the land she lives on that was stolen from Native American tribes. Telling ourselves, "we just see it as a time to get together with family, so what's the big deal?" is an execution of privilege and a way of burying our heads in the sand.

The fact is, this is a holiday she will grow up making paper turkeys and crafts at school to celebrate. She will get days off of school or paid time off from her work. She exists in a world that is quick to point out the mistakes and imperfections of others but took DECADES to stop calling the Washington Football team the Redskins. 

So, rather than continue to be a part of the problem, we decided to find a different way to celebrate.

We did some research and bought 2 books for her that teach her about and celebrate Indigenous People. 

We will be reading these throughout November. On Thanksgiving, we will be making some traditional dishes of different Native American tribes and learning about the history of foods like Fry Bread. We will be celebrating a meal in honor of Native American Heritage Month (also called American Indian and Alaska Native Heritage Month) rather than Thanksgiving. And Jordan and I have committed to doing more work on shifting the way we view and talk about this and other holidays and celebrations. 

Interested in filling your house with these stories? The ones we chose include:

  • "Fry Bread"; Written by Kevin Noble Maillard, Illustrated by Juana Martinez-Neal

    This book talks about the role of fry bread in our history and now. It talks about its power to bring together and unify. I love the end, wherein there is extra information for families to read about the concepts and historical points referenced in the book.

  • "We Are Grateful"; Written by Traci Sorell, Illustrated by Frame Lessac

    This book is so beautifully done. Otsaliheliga (oh-jah-LEE-hay-lee-gah), a word members of the Cherokee Nation use to express gratitude; the book teaches us about the Cherokee people's celebrations, connections, and experiences and how they communicate and show gratitude.

I want to learn from you.

Parents, loved ones and caregivers — what else have you done to shift the way we talk about Thanksgiving? How have you made other holidays more inclusive? Are there ways you have been able to bring in the traditions, holidays and history of other people and cultures to help your children gain a greater view and more profound understanding about the world?

Now, what can you do to be a part of the change?

You don't have to have or be around kids to do the work. Find and commit to something you can start doing now to be a force for change rather than a pawn in the game of complacency and privilege.