What if we loved people for who they are and not what we hoped they would do or be?
I struggle with this a lot. I have an idea of how something should go, someone should act, what the outcome should be and it is hard for me to be open to when it doesn’t go that way.
It comes from a place of love and longing for people. Wanting them to be their most fulfilled selves. Wanting them to find peace and joy and healing.
And, sometimes, I supersede my want over their willingness, motivation and desires.
I forget that how they choose to live their lives is not my choice to make.
And when I come into interactions with expectations on how things should be, I rob myself of getting to know the person on the other side of the exchange and get lost in frustration when they aren’t what I decided they should be in a given moment.
When I find myself here, I end up reacting in one of two ways:
Being mad or disappointed in the other person for not living up to what I had hoped or wanted.
Dumping on myself for how this is my fault and what I could have done to make the interaction or outcome what I wanted.
Neither place feels good. And all it does is create a villain in a story I don’t need to write. I get to be disappointed when something goes differently than I planned. I get to feel sad or let down when I see someone hurting and not doing the work I wish they would do.
And I must remember that disappointment results from different expectations and priorities.
It doesn’t mean one side or party was right and the other wrong or that someone has failed because disappointment presents itself. It just means that the human experience is more complex than we sometimes allow.
What if we allowed more space for people to be their whole selves — highs, lows, strengths, growing pains and everything in between?
What if we didn’t set such rigid and tunnel-visioned expectations of how someone else should act or live their life?
What if interactions didn’t have to go a certain way and we just allowed ourselves to be present and in control of the only thing we can — ourselves? I know for me, I am a much kinder human — to myself and others — with way less resentment and compassion fatigue.