Saying goodbye...

Dear ED,

Saying goodbye is to you is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Who am I without you? What if I am not worth living without you? I have been with you so long, your soul intertwined with mine. How do I begin to define where you end and I begin. I am not strong. I cannot fight. You told me that. I will never make it in this world without you. I need you too much. You are the beginning and end of each day. The last voice I hear when I close my eyes and the first voice echoing in my mind when I awake. I breathe for you. I live to satisfy your hunger and feed your soul with my self destruction. How is it now that I can find what it means to live as myself? I will be naked for the whole world to stare and judge. They will see all of my imperfections. They will judge all of my shortcomings and laugh at all of my scars. I will be alone in a world filled with soul sucking leeches who will take the little I have left in my life and leave me to die. You are my world. You are my soul reason to live each day but I guess it’s time for me to break free from your chains. It’s time to figure out who it is I am and what I stand for. This world is filled with disappointment and harsh realities, but there is a splendor I know is hiding behind the mounds of isolation, fear, anger and regret and though I may not be strong enough to find it, I have to try. You have torn me apart and broken down all of my securities into shattered marks of failure and worthlessness. You have made me see nothing but a horrible waste of space on this planet. But what did I used to see before I met you? Who was I and what was the future that was laid out for me? Because right now, if I stay with you, all I am guaranteed is a lonely life culminating in my body being zipped into a sleek black bag – another nameless skeleton claimed by your love. I hate to say goodbye but I have to know, is there more waiting out there? What if the world isn’t as bad as we thought? What if there are people who stay around? This may not be the last you hear from me, but I can only hope this is my final goodbye. Please, if you love me, let me go. Let me find me again. Let me collect the broken pieces of my soul and put it back together. To be alone is a scary thought and letting you go seems to already be my biggest regret, but if I never really try, we will never know if we are meant to be together forever.

--With my heart and soul, I love thee.