No, I am not asking you to lower your standards. AND, something has to change.

I work with a lot of people who identify as high-functioning, over-performing individuals. They have lived much of their life chasing perfection and needing to have it all together and be the best — not to put others down but to give themselves an opportunity to simply be in the space.

In our work together, the subject often comes up about the need to rethink how they are engaging with their time and energy and without fail, as soon as I suggest shifting their goals and expectations, their defenses emerge and they say,

“You think I have too high of standards?”

or

“You think I should lower my expectations?”

It’s a reasonable conclusion to draw — and on some levels, yes, I am saying to lower your standards in some areas. But the reality of what I am saying is:

Can we find more balance in the way we are showing up in our lives?

See, the work isn’t actually about lowering our standards but about broadening our view.

In many cases of high-functioning anxiety, we get fixated on a few aspects of life, trying to do it all and be it all in the areas which breed success and combat our fear of not being good enough.

We need to be the best in a specific set of roles — often connected to the greatest chance for external validation and approval. But we lose sight of other areas of life and aspects of self.

It’s like having 10 plants and 1 watering can that gets refilled everyday. Instead of watering all of the plants, we just water a few of them, leaving the others to die. Often, these are areas like self-care, play and creativity, and self-exploration.

These are roles or zones that get deemed as having a low return on investment (ROI) when it comes to social capital and so they get dumped.

But these are the exact plants we need to covet to not only survive but to thrive in all of the other zones of life. Not doing this is why you keep finding yourself on sites like this, looking to repair that sense of brokenness and burnout you keep finding yourself experiencing while resisting the real work that needs to be done.

So, instead of feeling like I am taking something away from you or telling you to lower your drive and ambition, consider this as an investment tip.

You are not lowering your expectations, you are just not going to set your standards and goals based on your negative core beliefs and resulting scarcity around time and drive for success.

Ask yourself how you can broaden your standards. Consider how you can maximize your output in the world by taking more time to tend to your body and giving yourself space to do things that aren’t connected to a specific output or goal. And make space to consider, when you are in this endless pursuit to get to X, who is it for? And what is the cost? By staying in this race, who are you making yourself accountable to and are you okay with it?

FOR MORE ON THIS TOPIC, CHECK OUT THESE OTHER RESOURCES:

• Assess your Time, Money, and Energy Investments and create an investment portfolio that is focused on your values, wants and dreams (Worksheet)

• Snag this worksheet and begin to define your values so you can start to ask yourself this questions with more curiosity and intention.

• Learn more about the idea of seeing the self in context of your full life versus boiling yourself (and others) down to what you do (Video)

• Learn to let go of what is not in your control and practice radical acceptance (Video)

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