Enough already. Self-care is not selfish.
“…the more we don't take care of ourselves, the more we perpetuate the belief we do not deserve it or ‘should not’ be doing it.”
Consider the two words separately —
"self" and "care".
Not put them together:
Self-care.
It changes, right? Something about when those two words are put together makes it seem impossible.
We hear it all of the time — put your own oxygen mask on first, make sure to take time for yourself. We get it; everyone needs to take care of themselves.
What makes it so hard?
Honestly, I think it is this falsely held belief that putting our own needs first, or even on the same level as others, would make us selfish.
It's this feeling that I "should" always be doing something for someone else or taking care of something or someone at the expense of my own well-being.
Think about it. When was the last time you just took a night for yourself without being forced into it or feeling guilty? When was the last time you looked at your to-do list and allowed yourself to walk away from it, knowing it would be there tomorrow?
The problem is, the more we don't take care of ourselves, the more we perpetuate the belief we do not deserve it or "should not" be doing it.
We deepen the belief that we come last and, over time, wear ourselves thin from trying to uphold everything for everyone else that we break. Fuming with resentment, loneliness and shame, we burn out and it shows up by making us sick, pulling us away from the people and things we want to do, and leaving us feeling depressed and even more lonely.
And so, we must rethink this whole "self-care" thing.
Self-care isn’t an either/or — them or me — concept.
It is about choosing what I call the "both, and", meaning that others' needs and wants are important AND so are mine.
It is about walking through the discomfort as you dismantle the belief that you do not deserve a break or time to replenish your own energy and drive.
How can you make self-care more accessible for you in your life?
Understand that self-care is a practice. It is a process that requires you to invest in it every day in your thoughts and actions. If you do not make it a part of your daily life, it will always feel unattainable and like a choice rather than a right.
Answer the following questions:
How can you create more space for self-care and tending to your own needs?
What is your biggest fear about doing less for others and/or advocating for your needs?
How has it served you to let these fears into the driver's seat?
What is one change you can make today to start bringing your needs to the front of the table?
Read this blog post I wrote that dives way deeper into this topic.
Take the Self-Care BINGO challenge — and be sure to check out all 3 versions on my Etsy shop!
Get your copy of the “I Love Me” Workbook and dive into the deepest depths of this work.