The question frequently arises: “How can I get better with feedback?” 

The idea of open and honest communication, especially when it may be critical, causes us to tense up faster than nails on a chalkboard.

The drive to avoid, bury or fluff it up is consuming. We don’t want to sit in discomfort. We don’t want to upset anyone. And of course, our shame constantly seeks ways to reinforce the notion that we are the problem. 

But here’s the thing, there’s no way around feedback. It’s everywhere.

Whether you say something or don’t — you are giving feedback.

The choice isn’t whether or not you engage in it, it’s if you are being authentic and honest or getting stuck in the performance. 

The best way to lean in is the practice of radical acceptance or accepting what is and is not in your control. So, radical acceptance:

• Feedback is uncomfortable. There is no way around it.

• It’s happening all of the time — from what you do and don’t say, the interpersonal reactions and interactions with others and how you go about your days are laden with feedback.

• Growth is important and we can’t grow without honest and open conversations.

• No matter what you do, you cannot control someone else. Not telling them how you feel does nothing but keep you feeling distanced, lonely, and resentful.

• You can’t be upset about not being seen if you never tell people what you think, feel, need and want.

• Being “good” at feedback only comes from doing it.