"Hold the vision. Trust the process."

- Kyira Wackett

We feel the need to instantly judge our worth or success based upon mistaken beliefs that perfection is the only option when we try for something and unless we get the reaction and celebration from others, it is not worth it. One wrong move and we are a failure, broken or a loser. But by searching for and striving for immediate results — and getting it all right on the first try, we lose sight of the fact that 10 seconds of fame or one more bullet point to add to our resume does not define us. 

We are defined by the culmination of our choices, experiences and, more importantly, who we are. 

Nothing sustainable happens in one try and it is through the evolutionary process of living that we find true "success" and joy.

Trust me, I get it. We all have a little Veruca Salt inside of us screaming, "I want it now!" Patience is hard. Waiting sucks. Instant gratification feels way better (at least in the moment) than sitting with ambiguity and anticipation. Especially when we already see a path in front of us and guaranteed outcomes, it creates a false sense of empowerment and motivation. But, in my own pursuits, playing the instant gratification game or choosing the path of least resistance to try and get success from someone else's courage, I can tell you that living in a false truth or someone else's narrative never grants true joy. 

Instead, it leads to a feeling of emptiness and disintegration from one's true self. 3 vs. 3,000 likes ultimately makes no difference in terms of someone's value or impact on this world, even though I have definitely drunk and started home-brewing the kool-aid that makes me think it does. I mean, okay, so 3,000 people liked a picture I posted on social media, but how many of them have been with me through the grind of it all and working past the "sparkly moments" of Instagram? How many of them are really engaging in and doing the work in their own lives versus just filling their tank of avoidance by liking another powerful quote on IG or sharing a video on TikTok?

I know we know it logically, but we need to start believing that long-term success, contentment and growth have always been achieved through hard work and forging one's own path. 

It is about the willingness to endure short-term distress, discomfort, and fear while continuing to walk, one step at a time — sometimes in circles — as we test out new ideas or have to rethink the next step. It is also about putting down your cup and stopping drinking in the notion that we are better or worse the more we share our lives or are superficially supported on social media. Instead, challenge yourself to walk alone for a bit to become more selective about who comes on your journey — trust me, it makes it way more enjoyable. It can help us maintain clarity in our lives about what it is we want and what we are willing to do to get there/become that person. Without that pain and focus, we become blinded by superficial love and support. 

• Where do you find yourself playing the "short-game" to avoid or attempt to minimize distress? How does it affect your life? In what ways does it contribute meaningfully to your life? How does it keep you enslaved to a system of complacency and stagnancy?

• What is one thing you've always wanted but were too scared to work for? Why? In reality, what's the worst thing that happened? And on the flip side, what if it all worked out?

• If you let go of the "likes", the drive for external approval, and the comfort in predictable outcomes, what do you really want?

• I was at a conference once where one of the speakers continued to drive home the idea that "breakdowns are opportunities for breakthroughs." Rather than seeing breakdowns as failures, they are opportunities to try something new or expand the way we think about a problem. Where have you faced a "breakdown" and let the negativity of it overtake you? 

• Try looking at it from a different lens. What might this breakdown be an opportunity to learn or try? Ex. I was super excited to put on a holiday art show one year, focusing on handmade goods with vendors who were just starting out on as little a budget as possible. The problem? I didn't figure out the best marketing strategies to bring in a lot of traffic to the event, especially considering many were new vendors, and our foot traffic was about 50% of my hope. But does that mean it was a failure? No, it simply means I have to rethink how to try it out again next year. And some people may not be open to testing it out again but that is not a reflection on me. It is just the best choice for them. 

• How can you begin to give yourself space to pursue the things that are truly meaningful for you?

• Where do you need to allow patience to expand into your life and remove the drive for instant gratification?

• What is one thing you can do today to move in that direction?

FOR MORE ON THIS TOPIC, CHECK OUT THESE OTHER RESOURCES:

• Answer the question “Can You Really Do It All?”

• Learn why it is important to lean into your ambiguity

• Understand the cycle of unhelpful habits

• Get clear on your values to help determine your WHY in what you are doing

• Learn the important difference between short-term and long-term distress

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