Stop worrying about the credit.
Sometimes I worry more about getting the credit than about making a contribution. Do you ever feel that way? Fighting the urge to tell someone you are responsible for this successful action or outcome to make sure you are associated with and celebrated for it? Creating or doing for the praise rather than putting something into the universe that elevates and empowers those around you?
It's normal. Trust me. And I am not just saying that because I want to make myself feel better. The ego is one painful, powerful part of our brains, and its sole focus is to make sure we feel seen and heard in the world around us. It's trying to "secure our spot," so to speak.
Why is this bad?
Because the ego will always be self-serving. It has a hard time operating from your values or considering how to be a part of a community rather than stomp over it. When I get stuck in that web of chasing the credit or the success rather than the contribution, what I do and who I am is... let's say, not great. I create half-ass proposals, tools, projects, etc. I am not really engaging in relationships. And what's worse is that I lose the ability to listen and connect because I am purely engaging with my ego.
How do we stop getting stuck in this cycle?
Honestly, it's about being willing to be a part of a community and to focus on giving without celebration. It is about focusing on solving a problem, connecting with others, and adding something meaningful to the world rather than worrying about if you will be given credit for it. Sure, celebration and acknowledgment are a part of that, but it is about learning that the narrative does not always have to connect to or center on you.
How can you do this?
Before the pandemic, I would work on this by doing things like holding the door for people and then challenging the thoughts that would emerge when people did not say thank you. I would do something nice for someone and not feel the need to share it with others (or at least, resist the desire to share). While the state of the world may have changed, the sentiment can still be achieved. Maybe it is less of holding doors for people - you know, the whole social distance thing and all? - and more about finding other small ways to do good for and onto others.
What am I working on?
I have been reaching out to people to ask what they need and how I can support them. For some, that has been a phone call or just checking in on them. For others, it has been proofreading copy for their new website or helping their kids with their math homework so they can get a break. I am working on offering the skills and resources I have without expecting anything in return and focusing on connecting to and being a part of the community around me.
And as it comes to my work, I am really focusing on creating content that feels meaningful and relevant. I have stopped focusing primarily on the numbers (sales, followers, likes) and pressure to "succeed" through some artificial way since all that does, ultimately, is leaving me to feel even more alone and unworthy. I am learning to trust that my role in this world is to help people identify and work through their shame, fear, and anxiety to live more meaningful lives, and as long as I can anchor on that, I am a part of something bigger than myself and as such, will not be alone.