"When you want to quit, remember why you started."

- Emmanuel Okeke

Any meaningful and sustainable change is requires both insight and action.

• Insight. I have to give myself space and time to identify my problem or pain point, its impact on my life, and where it came from. I have to define where I want to go and clarify how and what I will need to get there.

• Action. I have to be willing to do the doing. I have to switch from thinking and feeling to doing...to living in that new reality.

Insight is about establishing your foundation — your buy-in — for the hard work you are about to endure.

Where are you going?

What's going to get in the way?

How can you withstand that drive to give up or lose focus

Don't rush it

The insight phase can be challenging to sit in. It requires a willingness to sit in and get curious about our lives and ask the hard questions. Many of us have spent years doing all we can to avoid. This is where the drive for band-aid solutions or quick fixes comes in.

Everyone wants to check the box as quickly as possible.

You mean I feel wholly unsatisfied and disconnected in my life? Quick, give me the 10 steps to living your best life. Oh, wait, this list just has 5 steps. Give me that one.

You mean I have spent my whole life living for everyone else? I'll attend a couple of self-help workshops, and then everything will be all good, right?

So, the other part of this phase is about learning to recognize when you have rushed to action prematurely or to be open to the possibility that action may breed more invitations for insight and be willing to go back and sit.

But don't sit for too long.

There is a fine line between building insight and stalling. For example, I spent five years wanting to launch my entrepreneurial speaking career. I'd prepared, studied, met with mentors, developed content -- essentially everything I needed to do, but get up and start speaking. So what took me so long? I was stalling. I was afraid. Fear leaves you paralyzed by "what if."

How do you know?

Each situation and circumstance is different. The best advice I can give you is to ask yourself the hard questions before starting any new process or journey. Here are some to get you started:

• "Who am I doing this for?"

• "Why?"

• "What role is fear playing on either end - starting or staying?"

• What pressures am I facing as I think about this work or change?

• "What would happen or how would I feel if it did not work out?"

Take some time to jot down any other helpful reflection questions for you to use. This will become your list to help you assess readiness for action and identify when you feel pressured to move too quickly or sit comfortably.

"I think I'm ready for action."

Now, let's pretend you go through these checking questions and you feel ready to move forward. Enter fear.

Fear acts as our protector, but sometimes it becomes the over-protective parent that needs to let us work through the discomfort on our own, without blocking or forcing us to avoid the pain.

The good news is that fear doesn't always mean a threat.

In fact, fear often signifies a change or evolution.

It is essential to invite fear in when it shows up at your door. Not to drive the bus but to pull up a chair at the table and consider its worries. Name them, then identify if this is the signal for change or a justified stopping point.

• What role is fear playing in this current situation? How is it serving you?

• What are you most worried about in your life? What makes you most scared of pursuing your dreams (i.e., how does fear keep you stuck in the insight phase)? What is the likeliest outcome in all of this? For example, my biggest fear about public speaking was letting people down. I was afraid people would not like me or see me as a hack. I worried they would walk out -- if they even came to a talk to begin with. A more likely outcome is that some people won't like me. Sometimes I will flop. I won't be for everyone. And I will have a lot of opportunities to grow.

• Knowing fear is inevitable, and the more you try to run from it, the worse it gets, we must simply acknowledge it and work within it. How could you change the way you respond to it so it doesn't consume you, or you don't get caught trying to pretend it doesn't exist?

• Self-doubt is normal. Self-esteem, or how we think about ourselves, is constantly evolving, which affects our sense of self-efficacy. What can you tell yourself at that moment to empower you to keep pushing through?

• What other resources or supports might be helpful to recruit or set up?

FOR MORE ON THIS TOPIC, CHECK OUT THESE OTHER RESOURCES:

• Learn the difference between avoidance and approach goals and how to set goals you will actually achieve.

• With the New Year approaching, let's take some time to rethink resolutions

• Assess your current TME investments and how they are working for and against you and your goals, are misaligned with your values or are perpetuating your shame

• Learn to set SMARTY Goals — goals that lead with value and purpose and help you let go of the drive to do and be it all because your shame tells you to.

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