Sometimes, we hold on to people and relationships because they’re comfortable.

Because they’re familiar. They’re predictable. But perhaps, the love or connection has faded — or was never really there. 

Ex. The friendship that has drifted apart long agp but you keep saying ‘we should get together’ or the loveless marriage that you stay in because ‘divorce would be too hard on the kids’. 

This is also true of virtual connection — connecting with someone on social media you don’t know or whom you have not talked to in 20 years. Keeping connections open that have died and creating a false sense of abundance with no depth, clarity and growth. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Perhaps their role in our lives or ours in theirs is meant to be temporary. That does not mean one, or both of us, “failed” or is “bad”. It simply means that the connection is no longer active or in service to both parties. 

We must be honest with ourselves when we have reached an end in a relationship and be more critical of the connections we invite into our lives — even on social media.

We must be able to grieve the endings and gain clarity on the difference between superficial connection and that of depth and truth. Only then can we free up the background processing energy to invest more deeply in the love and connection that is true and real. 

• Are there relationships in your life no longer serving you or for/with whom you no longer hold love in your heart? Who are they? How do you know?

• What scares you most about letting these relationships go?

• Where did those fears and misconceptions come from? Are there ways we can check them out with others or challenge those thoughts?

• What/who do you need to support you in allowing these endings to occur?

• What is one intention you can set for yourself and hold on to as you move towards this change — letting go of relationships that don’t serve you and giving more space to those that do?

Feeling stuck? Noticing some resistance? That’s okay! This is a lot and the brain works better when we make big changes approachable in small bites.Here are a few small things you can do to start clearing the clutter of superficial and ended relationships:

• Go through your phone contacts and delete anyone you don’t talk to anymore.

• Delete every person on social media whom you would not get together to have coffee with or have not talked to in more than a year or from whom you do not derive positive energy, support and value.

• Make a list of your greatest connections and brainstorm what it is that you love about them and the relationship you have. Use that as a tool to help you assess others in your life (i.e. do they also provide me with this type of love/support? Do I feel safe with these people like I do “X”?)

• Make plans with someone on this list. Bonus if this is someone you have not connected with in some time or feel particularly drawn to. And yes, I am aware it is still a pandemic — be creative. Have a wine and cheese night over Zoom. Watch a favorite show together online. revisit your love for the outdoors — even in the cold.

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