We’ve all been through it — directly or not: the toddler demanding attention, calling out for a response when you just need a minute.

“Mom. Mom. Moooooom. M-M-M-Mom. MOM!”

They just want your attention and even though you are just finishing one quick text or getting the food in the oven and will be right with them, that is not fast enough. They have waited…or at least to them it feels like they have waited…and now they want your attention NOW.

This metaphor is a perfect example of your anxiety. All of us have it — the severity may vary but it is there. And for so many of us, we view it as something to push off or to try and wait until it is convenient for us to have it show up. Unfortunately, that is not the way it works.

Your anxiety is with you every day, waiting to be heard and validated. And the problem for so many of us is that we are constantly working to avoid it, pushing away from its presence because we see it is as unhelpful, consuming or inconvenient. We see it as something to fight versus something to work with. Same as fear. But, if we try to ignore it, it will only get louder. If we don’t make space for it, it will grow. 

And so, it is important you acknowledge its presence. Know that it is in the room and that there is a need to work with it. Sometimes, it is even helpful. It makes you think about what you need to get done or question the safety of a situation. Sometimes it can motivate us to do things that feel hard to do or give us insight into places and spaces we feel unsettled or uncertain. If we squelch it, we lose all of these pieces as well.

We need to work with it so it can better understand how to serve rather than derail us. Let it be a part of the team. Let it ride along on the journey and make space for it to be heard while letting it know that you are still in charge.

For me, that means giving my anxiety an audience every night before bed. I let it run wild and give me all of the “anxiety balloons” it wants — a super helpful technique called Cognitive Defusion — honoring that it is trying to help keep me safe. This helps me at other, less helpful times, when it shows up, to say, “Not yet” and refocus my brain on the other things that are important.