This happens all of the time. Talking about food is not the problem. Talking about food from a shame-based lens is the problem. The pressure to be on a diet, to berate yourself for what you have eaten or “should” be doing, to assume only certain body types can eat certain food…the list goes on.

All of this is shame-driven communication.

Sometimes we eat too much. Sometimes we do not eat enough. Sometimes we need help managing what we eat, how often, and how difficult it can be to feel like we are not controlled by food and self-loathing.

We don’t need to keep perpetuating the ideals that are simultaneously trapping us. And the more we engage in these interactions, the more stuck we can feel in that shame-based narrative.

What can we do if we find ourselves trapped in these conversations?

Try these responses:

“I don’t talk about diets or weight loss.”

"Please do not talk about diets with me."

"I am trying not to focus so much on my body. Would you mind not talking about those things in front of me?"

"When you talk about your body/food in that way, it can be very triggering for me. Do you mind if we talk about something else?

"I’ve been working really hard at loving and accepting my body. This conversation feels like a setback. Let’s talk about something else."

And, when all else fails, walk away (literally and figuratively). You do not owe anyone your time and energy if it only leaves you feeling bad and keeps you stuck inside this cycle of self-flagellation.